30 Day Challenge - Day 7

Wednesday 3rd September 2014
08:17am

Day 7: 
Do you think there are any triggers or patterns to how your illness(es) effects you?

I'm thankful that I am now able to spot when I'm starting to struggle.  Sometimes though it can just happen and I have no idea what has caused it.

To name a couple due to my experience in education, I really struggle with anything to do with it.  Which is a problem at the moment since I'm doing my Foundation Degree in Counselling.  A classroom setting really freaks me out, yet when I'm doing my talks it's different because I'm in control at the front and know if things get to much I can leave, sadly at uni this doesn't seem to be appropriate and sadly due to the course it is being used against me.  Handing work in is huge, knowing I spent hours doing GCSE work which set off my OCD as it needed to be perfect, we have a chance to have our worked looked at (40%) but even that I panic with as the thought of been told it's not good enough.  The amount of times I start and restart work is unbelievable but I'm putting myself back through it in order to reach my dream, sadly I think the effort I do put in is overlooked due to my mental health. 

Unknown situations have a huge impact especially if I bump into people or come across things who have had a negative impact on journey, but thankfully I have great support who are normally with me when these situations arrive.

Being out of my routine also has an impact, so I'm glad the summer holidays are now over! I've been like that for as long as I can remember probably the only child who hated the summer holidays but yet was reluctant to go back to school.

I think a big thing which I only noticed over the past year or so is actually doing too much - I love to keep busy to be able to keep my mind on other things but this can also have its problems as I wear myself down and am unable to process things properly.

Strangely enough at the moment I'm missing my parents who are away at the moment, when I lived with them I really struggled to admit that I was struggling but now it seems to be a lot easier.  Over the past few days I've had phone calls over things which could really impact on my future and knowing they're not back to talk through things actually led me in a panic on Monday sobbing, felt like I'd gone back to when I was a child and needing my mummy and daddy.  After this low I went on a massive high (the joys of BPD) although this led me to having slightly more fun decorating Jayne and Bean's house for their 50th!

There are a few more which I leave mentioning as I could go on.  What is important to remember though is everyone has different triggers or things which can make a good day flip into a horrendous day or start a downward spiral into something.  There are occasions when I've woke up just in a horrendous mood I don't mean like "getting up on the wrong side of the bed" which can be really scary.  Everyone is so different and what doesn't affect me could really impact on someone else.

So I've been keeping up with the challenge for a week - let's hope I can carry on remembering to do it.

Thanks for reading.

Rach x