30 Day Blog Challenge - Day 9

Friday 5th September 2014
08:14am

Day 9
What are some of the important events in your life, that may have effected your mental illness(es) for the worse or better? (You can make a timeline)

The first major event was the death of my grannynanny (great gran) which I think was the straw that broke the camels back.  It wasn't like I'd never experienced death what I found harder was the fact I couldn't help her.  I was older and more aware about what death was, it was sad to see it was her body which gave up on her, her head was fine, she could still remember everyone, still tell us stories but what I was shocked about was the fact she was one of the first extended family members that ever pulled me up about my weight loss.  She was so understanding about it all and that was the type of person she was.  Still to this day I miss her.  Her photo is on the drawers next to my bed and I truly believe she is my guardian angel.  Those of you who know me well will know how much I thought of her.

GCSEs were a major stress, I felt the pressure, whether it was intentional or not from teachers I felt like if I failed it would be the end of the world.  My life would be over.  I put so much pressure on myself to ensure that work was perfect I would delete full documents of work if I got anything wrong, would rip up course work if I wasn't happy with the effort I'd put into it, which would mean I was up all night then back to school in the morning.  Realistically I know I'm not an A* student straight through, but I like to try and reach as close to that.  How I was then does impact on my assignments now for uni as the thought of handing it in for a read through is a massive no no, the amount of time I spend on assignments already and working up to the point where I don't delete a full document if that red line comes under a incorrect spelled word, despite the fact I really punish myself (mentally) I haven't got the top marks, realistically I'm glad that I'm passing a higher education course.

A massive positive though was when I passed my driving test, it gave me the independence to be able to get out and feel that freedom.  My car is everything to me, which sounds so sad, but I rely on it heavily especially as I'm terrified of using public transport on my own. Then last year I was successful in getting my flat again such a massive move leaving my parents house, but it had to be done.  My relationship with my parents has massively improved, not that we weren't close before but I started to see them more as my carers rather than my parents.

There have been more recent events which have had a negative impact such as the problems I had with a previous job, the death of a good friend, attitudes of "professionals" about my mental health and then other "smaller" things but seem to matter a lot to me and can have a major impact on my day.

Ending with positives which have had a good impact are my lovely cats, being a Young DPULO Ambassador, the Journey Back to Life, when I can helping at Nursery and I think most importantly my family and friends who have stuck by me no matter what.

It's important for me to remember when I'm struggling to think tomorrow is a new day. 

It is possible to live life with mental health issues, I really hope I can be an example of this.

Rach x