30 Day Challenge - Day 15

Thursday 11th September 2014
08:32pm

Day 15 
How has your life been effected by your illness(es)? (Some ideas are: relationships, career, school)

Well I think at school, it wasn't really understood.  I was in hospital for a lot of year 11 (my GCSE year) and then for my college years.  I did manage to sit my GCSEs while I was in hospital and thankfully passed them all.  I did a few A/S levels in college but did re-do both year 12 and 13 once I felt fully able to.

I've had a few jobs while I've been at my worst and also I suppose "stable".  I had a job I loved which sadly the post was made redundant and with that and other situations going on with work I became rather ill after that, with that it has knocked my confidence with work, which is why I'm trying hard to concentrate on my uni course and trying dam hard to follow advice off my mental health team.

I was in a steady relationship when I was officially diagnosed as having BPD, sadly the pressure of my illness and my boyfriend at the time at university things got to much for both of us.  It was a mutual break-up but I won't lie hit me hard.  Looking back though it was the right thing to do.  While I was seeing him though he did make an effort to come to any appointments and try and understand what was going on.  I've had a couple of short relationships since but come to a point where as much as I'd love to be in a relationship I'm happy where I am, I'm not bothered that I'm single, but what does get me at times is seeing my friends who are either married, engaged or just in a relationship getting on and even having children.  

Friendships are hard with BPD but those who are my friends know about it.  I remember in school having loads of friends seemed to be important but really it's not.  I find it so hard to trust people and let people in but socially I know I struggle.  I won't lie I do like my own company, but I know at times I need to force myself to be with people, which sounds strange.  Some days I rely a lot more on people but those are the days you find out who are your true friends.

On the plus side though my career or how I see my career going is due to the events which have happened to me.  I want to be able to make a difference I don't want my struggle to be meaningless.  I've sat in groups since been in adult services hearing others who are much older than me moan about how the system hasn't changed since they were in their 20's etc and they feel for the "younger ones" - I would love to be able to say there is a change and the only way to do this is my opening up and campaigning.  JBL is a great way to help do this and I'm so thankful to all those who help support it.

Half way through the challenge ... hope I'm not boring you to much!!

Rach x