... This Morning ...

Wednesday 29th September 2010

6:12pm

What an eventful day!! As you all know due to my many status updates throughout the day expressing how i was going to pooh my pants etc while at the ITV studios!!

Really I have to thank Laura for recommending me to ITV to go on the show, it's the one thing i've wanted to do and I did it my way! I travelled down to London at half 7 last night and was put up in a nice posh hotel where i managed to just about have a few hours sleep before giving up shoving on my music and dancing round to it in my room, acting like an excited 4 yr old at Christmas!!

I was picked up from Euston Station at 9:30pm and arrived at the hotel at about 9:40pm, had to sign a few things then potted up stairs and sorted out my stuff. At 11:30pm I was still exhanging emails with people and was told i should go to sleep but i was way to excited! So was up and down all night, then at 3:00am decided to send an email to Bury telling them to have the TV at the ready as the most compliant patient they ever had was on the telly =p i did actually go to sleep then and at 7:00am had a boling hot shower and turned into a lobster, expressing my concern to AMy on Facebook that I was going to look bright red on the T.V nightmare, luckily i was just slightly over reacting and nothing more! =p I went through all the random posts to me on facebook including licking Philip Schofields Face, and god knows what else, they decided i would venture down to the 'dining quarters' to see what they were going to offer me!!

The night before i had a conversation with beany and jayne promising i would eat, as i hate breakfast its the worst meal of the day for me and then the same conversation with my mother the following morning!!

So i go down greeted my the snottist waitress who insisted i was in the wrong room and decided instead of having a bowl of fruit to actually make the most of my stay a big breakfast, vegetarian style!!!! i think her face dropped but i couldn't actually care, for once that food actually tasted good, yes i am saying that you do not have to re-read that last statment!!

After my munch i went back upstairs and caught back up with the facebook i had missed and watched a bit of day break to get in the feel of things knowig i would be on that channel within a couple of hours sounding off about how crap having anorexia is!!!!!!!!

so at 8:55am I was picked up in a blacked out car, so i felt well important!! and dropped off at ITV, i couldn't bring myself to sit down it was weird i think my anorexia slipped back to say hello before i went on air, well i'm glad it did it then and not while i was in the studio standing up looking like a right idiot!!!!

When I arrived, I was off to have my hair and makeup done and felt all privilaged when Matt Willis walked in, i was like OMG its the Busted dude, yes i know but thats really how most of us will remember him truthfully so why lie and hide the fact i'm right!!!! =p

I was waiting round the studios in the Green Room, which me being me yes I expected the thing to be green or at least have green in it but nope ooh well!! At 11:25 while the rest of the country were watching the news I was introduced to Philip and Holly, it was so weird actually seeing them, Philip was a complete babe and I was actually really contemplating licking his face but i didn't think it would go down to well plus he had shit loads of make up on!! for professional purposes he's not a drag queen!!

So this was it my time to shine, they spoke to the other two people at first at this 'expert' really did pee me off which apparently was telling because of my facial expressions of you have no idea what you are talking about, so evetually after her talking some crap about how young people get eating disorders and was like erm no sugar older women can get them too!! okay i didn't call her sugar but it would have been worth it to see her face!!! then she kept saying anorexia was a disease, anyone who knows me knows not to say anorexia is a disease it's not it's an illness, it's an illness, so that really did get to me, i thought if she was an expert why the ill is she saying its a disease!!?? but hey ho never mind thats how some people take it.

I didn't know that they showed pictures of me ill while i was being interviewed so watching it back was a shock and i'm so glad i'm not in that place anymore but pulling myself out to get my life back on track!! so after more hugs and kisses and was back off to Euston Station, in my blacked out car!! i felt like the queen all i needed was a white glove and the window down a bit so i could wave!!!

so i pottered round Euston amusing myself in shops and ended up buying a new top from fat face, yes apt i know considering that i was just having a conversation about body image ooh well i had to amuse my self, the jourey to london was too amusing with the toilet paper lady!! =p

on the train back i was all tired out, i managed to get changed in the loos at the station, classy i know, back to been a proper warringtonian!! lol and was finally not freezing my ass off with my skirt!!

again more emailing was done, i slept, ipod went in and was texting people yay fun!!

i'm actually glad i've done what i've done today, i know some people don't agree with anorexia been disgused but it happens and needs to be spoken out and as soon as to be honest. I'm hoping you who did see it and thought i was just doing it for whatever reason and attention seeking etc realise how much shit i was actually in, this illness very nearly killed me, I want all of you to realise that I didn't choose to be anorexic, it was sadly a loosing battle for a time while i was weak. Lots of hurtful things were said about me and to me while i was so ill, thankfully some people have had the balls to apoligise to me which was one of the nicest things, but i'm stronger now i take things on the chin and work with it, i get help and try not to deprive myself of food.

my life is finally worth living and i wouldn't choose to go backwards, if it happens then i have to accept it but i'm going to try dam hard not to let it, and so will my family and friends. I have lots of lovely people around me at the moment and these are the people i want a need in my life!!

so thanks mum, dad, phillip, nan, tom, jayne, beany, wdp, college and christ knows who else for making the person i am writing this, having the strength to be able to be truthful work though the shit days ... I may be a pain at times but i'm a complex person remember so my little paddies aren't attention seeking it's because i'm frustrated need carming down and a hug.

Love you all

x x x x x x x