life moves on ...

thursday 9th september

11:49pm

watching nikki tonight in the big brother house i couldn't help put get emotional, she was so inspirational and i felt as though i was sat there watching myself express how i feel about this illness as she said "i know i've gained weight, i hate it but i know it needs to be done and i'm proud of myself" i've said before i once looked at nikki as one of my idols to carry on not to eat she understood me in a way which no one else ever would, she understood why the thought of having food made me feel repulsed and wanted to scream at everyone so loudly for trying to eat.

it really did move me though watching her get frustrated with the anorexia and not the anorexia getting frustraed at her was exactly how i feel now about mine. more so now since my back has started to play up and once again i missed going to planet blue to help out for wdp, but i know it would have done me no good and i would have ended up collapsing in agony, so i was once listening to my body and realsing that i needed to rest...

so tonight i spent cuddled up with tom while my leg twitched like mad for a bit and we just chatted it was nice, so normal what someone my age should be doing and what i should have been doing for the past few years ive been posessed by this shitty thing!!

nikki mentioned that bb has helped her alot how she described that one life changing experience for being in the house reminded me of what WDP have done for me recently. i eat at a round table and for once i make an effort to socialise ...

for once i like me ...

thank god!!!

xxxxxxx