Disability Awareness Day (D.A.D)

Sunday 11th July 2010

8:19pm

You will have no idea how tired I am, okay some people may! But yet I feel the need t write about today, the day which made me realise how bloody lucky I am to be alive and to be working at the WDP!

i woke up at like half 6 this morning not knowing what to expect from the DAD event! I was expecting stressed members of staff but actually it was nice to see them all smiles and realising that all the hard work had paid off and my happy face had kept them calm =p!

i was a dad volunteer, glad actually i was not a stuard as i think i would have clashed with the yellow jacket! although the radio head set did look rather fetching and i was uber jealous! loving the fact i could go to the event well and appreciate what people actually put into all of this! i was then invited to the v.i.p talk becuase well thats me =p bahahahaha i wish! but yes i got to see everyone again which was so nice =] for the 5bp and try and get as many pens as possible sadly i came out with about 3 ='[ argh well!!!!!!!!

so my articles went up and the stall was set and i floated around all day, to be honest i think i was dominated a bit by my anorexia i couldn't stand still i couldn't sit for longer than like 30 minutes and didn't eat until i thought i was literally going to faint and i saw my mums face when i turned up about half 2 literally white and drawn, the face i remember seeing when i was on bed rest or screaming not to be fed, i do not like that face! staff on the ground knew too! they aint stupid i know but i think you forget that they understand more than most places of work so i felt like eyes were on me, but for a good reason not because they were making bets on how long i would last before i did actually go!!

we did get some stupid comments on the ed stand "do you have info on gastric bands" "do yo think i have an eating disorder?" while some man hit his well over sized stomach which was repied we have a leaflet for over eating "information on IBS?" "i wish i had an eating disorder" NO YOU BLOODY DON'T IT IS NO LIFE AND I HATE ANOREXIA SO MUCH, I WOULD NOT WISH THIS UPON MY WORSE ENEMY BUT STILL ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! then of course the filthy looks when realising i was the girl in the articles as though to say i was disgusting and anorexia was my own fault, erm no i did not ask my head to create a little voice which tells me not to eat and i'm fat! gggrrr!!!!!!

my new little buddy at work Rachael - yes i know confusing but she spells it correctly! was and is so lovely =] then lynda, marie, dom, tom, jayne, dave ... i could go on and on but it was nice to be able to see them doing something which we all have a passion about finally people who understand my reason for gobbing off about disability and making people realise that we are still people! yes i'm anorexic but no i'm not some crazy weirdo girl sadly i'm just ill but hey get used to it! work have and i've been with them for a few weeks! my little weird things at lunch trying my dam best not to have it infront of them all but in the end they're lovely and i can trust them i know and the little chat certain people took the time of telling my mum about "we will make sure she eats" made me laugh this is why i love you all!!

my day was complete when a friend who i have not seen for about 3 years turned up! I don't think i had screamed so loud in all my life, another rachel! but omg it was like a weird reunion jumping up and down in the "mental health" bit so appropriate we looked crazy!! hehehehe!!! argh well!!

today i realised how lucky i am to be where i am today! i have the people in my life who i neeed, i can see a light but yet it does move at times! i am in recovery,yes i am , in recovery but at the beginning i still have times when i want to stand up and scream and not do anything but that but i have to learn to cope!!!

thanks WDP for making me realise i do deserve to wake up in the morning come to work, annoy you all with my crazy ass dancing and drinnk all the diet coke, take over the computer and with my wonderful comments about how much i hate stigma and how much things need to change!!!!!!!!

x x x x x x x x