monday 23rd July 2010
6:01pm
Normally change scares the hell out of me, but recently i've come to see that it doesn't need to be all negative - people cope in different ways with it, I don't normally cope well with a change, i realised today that i have actually coped with things changing rather well!!
For once people outside my normal circle are making sure i'm looking after myself, eating, drinking, meds etc - and it's so scaring me the thought of more people taking an interest in what i'm doing or what i'm not doing at times!!
I know she won't mind me saying this but today at work went in with just hoping to eat a bit and be fine, but my darling Lynda came in and was like right i'm off for my lunch - i just smiled and nodded sort of hoping the words of "have you eaten?" wouldn't come out, but they did, normally i would be like argh nnnnooooo why did you have to ask, but this time the fact that people are now taking time to care is soo nice!! okay i probs didn't have a proper lunch but i sat in the canteen and had something - okay i could tell people were thinking that really isn't enough but for the time it was just enough for me to deal with and move on, knowing i could go back later on and get something else if i needed to!!
My 'normal' desk, which really isn't mine anyway but has been my place for the past month has now been moved =[ sad times - i was freaking out that things would be all different but it's not it's actually better, i moved my things over today so it wouldn't be strange tomorrow when i went in =] so i finally have a phone with YA and my own extention number,for once change has been good and i like it =] i can still see everyone and be as lovely as ever to people =] it's all good =] so my desk is starting to actually be mine!!
realising i'm going to be 19 has made me realise how much growing up i've done over the past year, i'd only just come out of hospital for my 18th and was still stuck in my little inpatient ways forgetting i was at home, which lots of people dont get, i wasn't used to been in an enviroment with adults if i was it was a caring profession or with other ill people! i may have been classed as an adult in years but i wasn't mentally, my illness is known to make you mentally develop slower but i think in a year i've started to catch up alot =] i still can act immature i'm allowed to! i've got to if i keep treating life so serious i'd be stuck up with no ability to see out side the box, i'm nothing special i'm just an everyday person with some issues, so what!! i accept that and so do most people! no amount of comments from people i know or randomers in the street are going to set me back! i'm not giving people the satisfaction, i'm changing as a person and i'm liking who i'm becoming, for once i'm being the real me - i'm standing up for what i believe in, you realise who you do and do not need along the way!! I've got some new wonderful and inspitational new people in my life and it makes up for the people i've had to let go of.
I'm actually pleased to say i'm starting to feel happy and not just pretending i'm talking to people more about how i feel and it helps, i'm not being looked at like some odd person, i always remember a quote on the telly "just because i'm different doesn't mean i'm not the same" and it's so true! and i'm glad people are realising that yes i may not be the most saine person in the world but lots of people are going through it, i still have emotions i just dont always express them in the right way!! I'm starting to like my me, maybe not the way I look at myself in the mirror but the difference i'm trying to make about raising awareness around disabilities in general! changing one persons life is good enough for me, but changing even more would be better =]
xxxxxxxx
6:01pm
Normally change scares the hell out of me, but recently i've come to see that it doesn't need to be all negative - people cope in different ways with it, I don't normally cope well with a change, i realised today that i have actually coped with things changing rather well!!
For once people outside my normal circle are making sure i'm looking after myself, eating, drinking, meds etc - and it's so scaring me the thought of more people taking an interest in what i'm doing or what i'm not doing at times!!
I know she won't mind me saying this but today at work went in with just hoping to eat a bit and be fine, but my darling Lynda came in and was like right i'm off for my lunch - i just smiled and nodded sort of hoping the words of "have you eaten?" wouldn't come out, but they did, normally i would be like argh nnnnooooo why did you have to ask, but this time the fact that people are now taking time to care is soo nice!! okay i probs didn't have a proper lunch but i sat in the canteen and had something - okay i could tell people were thinking that really isn't enough but for the time it was just enough for me to deal with and move on, knowing i could go back later on and get something else if i needed to!!
My 'normal' desk, which really isn't mine anyway but has been my place for the past month has now been moved =[ sad times - i was freaking out that things would be all different but it's not it's actually better, i moved my things over today so it wouldn't be strange tomorrow when i went in =] so i finally have a phone with YA and my own extention number,for once change has been good and i like it =] i can still see everyone and be as lovely as ever to people =] it's all good =] so my desk is starting to actually be mine!!
realising i'm going to be 19 has made me realise how much growing up i've done over the past year, i'd only just come out of hospital for my 18th and was still stuck in my little inpatient ways forgetting i was at home, which lots of people dont get, i wasn't used to been in an enviroment with adults if i was it was a caring profession or with other ill people! i may have been classed as an adult in years but i wasn't mentally, my illness is known to make you mentally develop slower but i think in a year i've started to catch up alot =] i still can act immature i'm allowed to! i've got to if i keep treating life so serious i'd be stuck up with no ability to see out side the box, i'm nothing special i'm just an everyday person with some issues, so what!! i accept that and so do most people! no amount of comments from people i know or randomers in the street are going to set me back! i'm not giving people the satisfaction, i'm changing as a person and i'm liking who i'm becoming, for once i'm being the real me - i'm standing up for what i believe in, you realise who you do and do not need along the way!! I've got some new wonderful and inspitational new people in my life and it makes up for the people i've had to let go of.
I'm actually pleased to say i'm starting to feel happy and not just pretending i'm talking to people more about how i feel and it helps, i'm not being looked at like some odd person, i always remember a quote on the telly "just because i'm different doesn't mean i'm not the same" and it's so true! and i'm glad people are realising that yes i may not be the most saine person in the world but lots of people are going through it, i still have emotions i just dont always express them in the right way!! I'm starting to like my me, maybe not the way I look at myself in the mirror but the difference i'm trying to make about raising awareness around disabilities in general! changing one persons life is good enough for me, but changing even more would be better =]
xxxxxxxx
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