Zummmmmmmmmmmmba

Tuesday 22nd February 2011
8:21pm

Tonight was the night I ventured back into the world of exercise, but with my mum close by and I was doing it just for me not because of the anorexia for once!! This time about 6 years ago I was forcing myself to 1000 sit ups in order to achieve this unrealistic body which I so wanted.

Walking into the gym was so weird, the smell and all of a sudden all these women walking in - and the little anorexic voice started to pipe up. The zumba class was to be a competition, I sat for a while and battled with it, eventually I won and I was relieved that I could enjoy the time with my mum.

Me and mum have signed up to the class next week and I'm hoping that this will help me with my confidence to eat and eat well, encourage myself to keep going.

As I walked in the studio in the gym, I was shocked (why I don't know) to see the 7ft walled mirror and my reflection glaring back at me. In my own mirror I still don't really see me as 'thin' I really do still look at myself at times and feel like the amount of weight I've gained is horrible and each day I find myself getting big ... much bigger. However, I was shocked as a walked into the studio to see this rather thin girl looking back. At first I didn't even realise it was me, I was so used to seeing this negative image of myself in my mirror that I was shocked to see I actually was thin and I should stop worrying so much. I hate being so body conscious but I suppose getting used to it is all I've done. I'm so negative about myself so often, I know I annoy people if I ask "do I look fat in this?" but if I hadn't have been ill would people really question what I was asking? It's normal for a 19 year old to ask these types of questions, its the reassurance that you do look nice.

I suppose this is going to be gradual thing to get into. Tom has said that he will help me out with doing weights so I can have the confidence with myself and to also 'tone' myself up! I'm very conscious of my stomach especially as my weight has had to be increased over the past few years - god knows what I'll be like when I'm pregnant but I suppose it's different.

So here is to my classes of Zumba with the mother, getting healthier together!

Wish is luck!!!

Rach
x x x