discharged from eating disorder services ...

Friday 11th February 2011
4:04pm

I couldn't believe it yesterday the wanted discharge from services has finally happened! Once this discharge was something which was only wanted so I could loose weight and go back to the self destruction which I never saw but knew was happening deep down.

I had spoken about the discharge for a while, I wanted it but was so scared to let that extra bit of support go. It was the bit of the safety net which was keeping everything stuck together and in some sort of order. However, hearing my mum say she thought it was the next best step I knew it had to be done. The time off work with stress which she had off while I was ill and still support me she was a rock and still is. Saying to my consultant, I want to be discharged was weird, I wanted to be discharged so I could go on and live my life without the worry of a weigh in to make sure I was healthy enough to keep me in the big wide world and not locked back up in a eating disorder unit where I was only able to dream about what was happening outside through a haze of strong medication.

I walked out the room with a massive smile on my face, I skipped out!! okay I'd skipped out of the section assessment but I was that ill I'd managed to tell a bunch of "professionals" that I was fine and try really hard while I was in hospital! Mum has been really good, I was so glad she was at the appointment with me, it needed to happen and I'm glad we could walk out the clinic knowing that we wouldn't have to go back again. The other times I've left clinics I knew straight away I would be back, but it the trick was to try and stay out for as long as possible until the decision was just about to be taken out of my hands.

Having this discharge has been a fresh of fresh air, it's proved that I am able to be trusted and maintain a healthier weight, I am finally able to admit I'm happy. Okay my body dismorphia may still be a bit screwed but I will get there and finally able to appreciate who I am.

Roll on to the future, here's to discharge!!
Rachael
xxxxxxx