9:30pm
With two days to go till the conference, I'm surprisingly at ease with the whole giving a presentation bit, but it's the other bits will concern me. You know the bits where lunch is served and all eyes are on me - or I feel that way. The recovering anorexic eating the dream which all parents, families, friends hope for seeing the one they love eating something. I don't really do public eating - I like to have a group of people around me like the security blanket which I often need.
This afternoon as been one of those, just spaced out and not really listening to anything going on around me, I just switched off and my head wondered thoughts took over and I was really was rethinking this recovery thing - stupid I know, it's the best thing I could have ever done. Actually taking the decision to do something with my life and stand up to the illness which had been bullying me continuously and still every now and then it creeps back and I have to try and ignore the screeches and cruel comments which are been hurled at me. That anorexic voice is fading but there are those days when I have to let it take over but I'm able to control it a lot better - this might be how much I eat/drink or how much walking around a do, or if my OCD has to become slightly worse just to help me cope. I know my triggers, so these coping methods may sound weird to those who can just get on with life, normally today would have resulted in a self harm episode.
I've had a few inspirational young people coming into WDP this week, especially with it being the half term and lots of the younger people are more able to get down to the Centre for Independent Living. I think again this has moved me, made me but a different outlook on my life. My anorexia can due to low confidence, wanting control and god knows what else, I didn't ask for it but I often wonder if I could have prevented it? Some of the young people have had disabilities since they were born and they are so lovely to talk to, they want to make a difference, which is why I'm so bloody determined to get the YA project bigger and to expand. I hate reading and hearing about all the negative press young people get, their a minority, the ones who don't understand something different or refuse to believe these people can make a difference to the world.
I look forward to meeting more young people, young people who want to make a difference and who aren't afraid to stand up and speak. There is still so much stigma around disability when there really doesn't have to be. I've finally let myself speak up about mental health and my journey and as I've been told I've got to use my knowledge and understanding to help inspire young people and give them the confidence to stand up for their own rights and what they deserve.
The conference is round the corner, I'm not just sharing my story but raising the awareness about all the other young people out there who want the help and who also want to make a difference.
Rach
xxxx
With two days to go till the conference, I'm surprisingly at ease with the whole giving a presentation bit, but it's the other bits will concern me. You know the bits where lunch is served and all eyes are on me - or I feel that way. The recovering anorexic eating the dream which all parents, families, friends hope for seeing the one they love eating something. I don't really do public eating - I like to have a group of people around me like the security blanket which I often need.
This afternoon as been one of those, just spaced out and not really listening to anything going on around me, I just switched off and my head wondered thoughts took over and I was really was rethinking this recovery thing - stupid I know, it's the best thing I could have ever done. Actually taking the decision to do something with my life and stand up to the illness which had been bullying me continuously and still every now and then it creeps back and I have to try and ignore the screeches and cruel comments which are been hurled at me. That anorexic voice is fading but there are those days when I have to let it take over but I'm able to control it a lot better - this might be how much I eat/drink or how much walking around a do, or if my OCD has to become slightly worse just to help me cope. I know my triggers, so these coping methods may sound weird to those who can just get on with life, normally today would have resulted in a self harm episode.
I've had a few inspirational young people coming into WDP this week, especially with it being the half term and lots of the younger people are more able to get down to the Centre for Independent Living. I think again this has moved me, made me but a different outlook on my life. My anorexia can due to low confidence, wanting control and god knows what else, I didn't ask for it but I often wonder if I could have prevented it? Some of the young people have had disabilities since they were born and they are so lovely to talk to, they want to make a difference, which is why I'm so bloody determined to get the YA project bigger and to expand. I hate reading and hearing about all the negative press young people get, their a minority, the ones who don't understand something different or refuse to believe these people can make a difference to the world.
I look forward to meeting more young people, young people who want to make a difference and who aren't afraid to stand up and speak. There is still so much stigma around disability when there really doesn't have to be. I've finally let myself speak up about mental health and my journey and as I've been told I've got to use my knowledge and understanding to help inspire young people and give them the confidence to stand up for their own rights and what they deserve.
The conference is round the corner, I'm not just sharing my story but raising the awareness about all the other young people out there who want the help and who also want to make a difference.
Rach
xxxx
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