Thursday 24th February 2011
8:27pm
Realising that life moves on is hard, but it does. You have to leave things in the past and except it when it may come round again - either an anniversary or a similar event.
I was talking to the young girls on my street before who were enjoying playing out with their bikes, roller skates and warning each other when a car was coming down the road. I also loved the fact they must have been playing out and pretending they were all sisters, as I got very concerned at one point when a couple of them we 'arguing' when I realised the other called the other mum so was like few - I really didn't want a domestic before I have my own children! Hair pulling and catty comments can wait a good few years yet!!
It made me realise though why so many professionals have this belief that those who suffer from anorexia want to stay young, carry on being the little child in their parents life. For me all I wanted to do was grow up, but sadly that growing up became an obsession and I wanted to be skinner and taller sooner, I wanted to develop sooner I suppose but I ended putting that on hold and this development into this mature woman on hold! I kept my brain in a freezer and it's now got catching up to do with a lot of other people my age.
I loved the fact that the girls have this imagination which runs away with them. I was told about what they had done in school and how they had been playing games and pretending that they were princesses in a magical world. If I could I would go back to primary school and enjoy it a lot more than what I did.
So why life goes on? Simply because it does. 5 years ago I knew my great gran was dying. I couldn't cope with what was going on and hated the fact that I was going to lose her. My erratic eating had already started by this point but got worse and it allowed me to control something in my life. What gets to me is the fact that she died knowing I was unhappy.
Each year I dread this weekend, the lead up is horrible, it's like some horrible count down to a day which I wish had not had happened. I still wish I could ring her up and go and visit her, and yes I do get jealous of people who still have their great grandmas because I miss mine so desperately. Mum reminds me every year that my Great Gran would be more upset to know I was still feeling the way I do and not enjoying my life ... mind you anorexia hasn't really given me that much to enjoy!!
So this year, I was determined to make the day different. I wasn't going to sit and mope in my room on the 26th I was going to keep myself busy. To be honest I think my Grannynanny was listening to me talking out loud and getting frustrated as it happened, I'm going to Huddersfield to see Tom and having some shopping time with his mum (about the only person who doesn't moan while shopping and gets the same pleasure out of it as I do!) okay yes during the week I could feel the same ache which I normally get and my mood got slightly bad as I really believed I didn't deserve to be out and enjoying the day. However, the more I thought about it the more I realised how stupid I was being and my Grannynanny would be pleased with me for the fact I'm actually for once celebrating her life and feeling positive about mine.
I may not be the biggest fan of Tom watching football all the time however, this Huddersfield match fell on the right day and I'm pleased that I'm able to be doing something and keeping busy. So spending my weekend in Huddersfield is what I needed.
I'm starting to finally realise that I need to allow my life to move on, not to live in the past and remind myself people just want me to be happy and allow my self to achieve the dream I have!
Here's to life ...
Rach
xxxxxx
Thursday 24 February 2011
Tuesday 22 February 2011
Zummmmmmmmmmmmba
Tuesday 22nd February 2011
8:21pm
Tonight was the night I ventured back into the world of exercise, but with my mum close by and I was doing it just for me not because of the anorexia for once!! This time about 6 years ago I was forcing myself to 1000 sit ups in order to achieve this unrealistic body which I so wanted.
Walking into the gym was so weird, the smell and all of a sudden all these women walking in - and the little anorexic voice started to pipe up. The zumba class was to be a competition, I sat for a while and battled with it, eventually I won and I was relieved that I could enjoy the time with my mum.
Me and mum have signed up to the class next week and I'm hoping that this will help me with my confidence to eat and eat well, encourage myself to keep going.
As I walked in the studio in the gym, I was shocked (why I don't know) to see the 7ft walled mirror and my reflection glaring back at me. In my own mirror I still don't really see me as 'thin' I really do still look at myself at times and feel like the amount of weight I've gained is horrible and each day I find myself getting big ... much bigger. However, I was shocked as a walked into the studio to see this rather thin girl looking back. At first I didn't even realise it was me, I was so used to seeing this negative image of myself in my mirror that I was shocked to see I actually was thin and I should stop worrying so much. I hate being so body conscious but I suppose getting used to it is all I've done. I'm so negative about myself so often, I know I annoy people if I ask "do I look fat in this?" but if I hadn't have been ill would people really question what I was asking? It's normal for a 19 year old to ask these types of questions, its the reassurance that you do look nice.
I suppose this is going to be gradual thing to get into. Tom has said that he will help me out with doing weights so I can have the confidence with myself and to also 'tone' myself up! I'm very conscious of my stomach especially as my weight has had to be increased over the past few years - god knows what I'll be like when I'm pregnant but I suppose it's different.
So here is to my classes of Zumba with the mother, getting healthier together!
Wish is luck!!!
Rach
x x x
8:21pm
Tonight was the night I ventured back into the world of exercise, but with my mum close by and I was doing it just for me not because of the anorexia for once!! This time about 6 years ago I was forcing myself to 1000 sit ups in order to achieve this unrealistic body which I so wanted.
Walking into the gym was so weird, the smell and all of a sudden all these women walking in - and the little anorexic voice started to pipe up. The zumba class was to be a competition, I sat for a while and battled with it, eventually I won and I was relieved that I could enjoy the time with my mum.
Me and mum have signed up to the class next week and I'm hoping that this will help me with my confidence to eat and eat well, encourage myself to keep going.
As I walked in the studio in the gym, I was shocked (why I don't know) to see the 7ft walled mirror and my reflection glaring back at me. In my own mirror I still don't really see me as 'thin' I really do still look at myself at times and feel like the amount of weight I've gained is horrible and each day I find myself getting big ... much bigger. However, I was shocked as a walked into the studio to see this rather thin girl looking back. At first I didn't even realise it was me, I was so used to seeing this negative image of myself in my mirror that I was shocked to see I actually was thin and I should stop worrying so much. I hate being so body conscious but I suppose getting used to it is all I've done. I'm so negative about myself so often, I know I annoy people if I ask "do I look fat in this?" but if I hadn't have been ill would people really question what I was asking? It's normal for a 19 year old to ask these types of questions, its the reassurance that you do look nice.
I suppose this is going to be gradual thing to get into. Tom has said that he will help me out with doing weights so I can have the confidence with myself and to also 'tone' myself up! I'm very conscious of my stomach especially as my weight has had to be increased over the past few years - god knows what I'll be like when I'm pregnant but I suppose it's different.
So here is to my classes of Zumba with the mother, getting healthier together!
Wish is luck!!!
Rach
x x x
Sunday 20 February 2011
conference ...
Sunday 20th February 2011
2:49pm
The conference on Friday was brilliant, I couldn't believe all the people which had actually come to attend it. With eating disorders being on the rise and breaking into people's lives it's important that the public are aware of what is going on and how they can help.
13 years yesterday by grandad died, although I was only 6 at the time ~ I thought about him so much on the Friday and also my great gran,who's anniversary is next Saturday. My nan commented that they would be so proud of me actually standing there and telling people that my recovery has started and I'm determined to carry on with all the help I have around me!
I spoke to the deligates about my recovery, the people who have made a difference in my life in the past few months especially, these are the months which I've really tried to actually keep on fighting and much stronger too! I obviously spoke about my parents but a few other special people were also mentioned - Naomi, Tom, Jayne and Beany. So many people have done bits to keep me on the road to recovery, but I've been thinking recently - at Warrington Disability Partnership we are doing Going the Extra Mile to help raise funds for Disability Awareness Day, every person who has supported my recovery have done that without actually realising. It's important that going the extra mile doesn't have to be actually doing a mile, but this could also be helping someone more than you would even really think of doing. I've put it across to the younger children it's like helping someone cross the road but the extra mile may be carrying their bags for them as well.
Each of the people who I think of lots and will thank for ever have done this, they're helping along cross the road of anorexia to the road of full recovery, helping me carry all my baggage a long the way. So really they alone could have helped raise the funds for D A D!
Well for now I'm off, this week has been lovely and I'm glad Tom has come home as its completed the week off and I actually slept last night all the way through, so I think Tom been home helped that as things seemed normal =]
Rach
x x x x x
2:49pm
The conference on Friday was brilliant, I couldn't believe all the people which had actually come to attend it. With eating disorders being on the rise and breaking into people's lives it's important that the public are aware of what is going on and how they can help.
13 years yesterday by grandad died, although I was only 6 at the time ~ I thought about him so much on the Friday and also my great gran,who's anniversary is next Saturday. My nan commented that they would be so proud of me actually standing there and telling people that my recovery has started and I'm determined to carry on with all the help I have around me!
I spoke to the deligates about my recovery, the people who have made a difference in my life in the past few months especially, these are the months which I've really tried to actually keep on fighting and much stronger too! I obviously spoke about my parents but a few other special people were also mentioned - Naomi, Tom, Jayne and Beany. So many people have done bits to keep me on the road to recovery, but I've been thinking recently - at Warrington Disability Partnership we are doing Going the Extra Mile to help raise funds for Disability Awareness Day, every person who has supported my recovery have done that without actually realising. It's important that going the extra mile doesn't have to be actually doing a mile, but this could also be helping someone more than you would even really think of doing. I've put it across to the younger children it's like helping someone cross the road but the extra mile may be carrying their bags for them as well.
Each of the people who I think of lots and will thank for ever have done this, they're helping along cross the road of anorexia to the road of full recovery, helping me carry all my baggage a long the way. So really they alone could have helped raise the funds for D A D!
Well for now I'm off, this week has been lovely and I'm glad Tom has come home as its completed the week off and I actually slept last night all the way through, so I think Tom been home helped that as things seemed normal =]
Rach
x x x x x
Wednesday 16 February 2011
... 2 days to go ...
Wednesday 16th February 2011
9:30pm
With two days to go till the conference, I'm surprisingly at ease with the whole giving a presentation bit, but it's the other bits will concern me. You know the bits where lunch is served and all eyes are on me - or I feel that way. The recovering anorexic eating the dream which all parents, families, friends hope for seeing the one they love eating something. I don't really do public eating - I like to have a group of people around me like the security blanket which I often need.
This afternoon as been one of those, just spaced out and not really listening to anything going on around me, I just switched off and my head wondered thoughts took over and I was really was rethinking this recovery thing - stupid I know, it's the best thing I could have ever done. Actually taking the decision to do something with my life and stand up to the illness which had been bullying me continuously and still every now and then it creeps back and I have to try and ignore the screeches and cruel comments which are been hurled at me. That anorexic voice is fading but there are those days when I have to let it take over but I'm able to control it a lot better - this might be how much I eat/drink or how much walking around a do, or if my OCD has to become slightly worse just to help me cope. I know my triggers, so these coping methods may sound weird to those who can just get on with life, normally today would have resulted in a self harm episode.
I've had a few inspirational young people coming into WDP this week, especially with it being the half term and lots of the younger people are more able to get down to the Centre for Independent Living. I think again this has moved me, made me but a different outlook on my life. My anorexia can due to low confidence, wanting control and god knows what else, I didn't ask for it but I often wonder if I could have prevented it? Some of the young people have had disabilities since they were born and they are so lovely to talk to, they want to make a difference, which is why I'm so bloody determined to get the YA project bigger and to expand. I hate reading and hearing about all the negative press young people get, their a minority, the ones who don't understand something different or refuse to believe these people can make a difference to the world.
I look forward to meeting more young people, young people who want to make a difference and who aren't afraid to stand up and speak. There is still so much stigma around disability when there really doesn't have to be. I've finally let myself speak up about mental health and my journey and as I've been told I've got to use my knowledge and understanding to help inspire young people and give them the confidence to stand up for their own rights and what they deserve.
The conference is round the corner, I'm not just sharing my story but raising the awareness about all the other young people out there who want the help and who also want to make a difference.
Rach
xxxx
With two days to go till the conference, I'm surprisingly at ease with the whole giving a presentation bit, but it's the other bits will concern me. You know the bits where lunch is served and all eyes are on me - or I feel that way. The recovering anorexic eating the dream which all parents, families, friends hope for seeing the one they love eating something. I don't really do public eating - I like to have a group of people around me like the security blanket which I often need.
This afternoon as been one of those, just spaced out and not really listening to anything going on around me, I just switched off and my head wondered thoughts took over and I was really was rethinking this recovery thing - stupid I know, it's the best thing I could have ever done. Actually taking the decision to do something with my life and stand up to the illness which had been bullying me continuously and still every now and then it creeps back and I have to try and ignore the screeches and cruel comments which are been hurled at me. That anorexic voice is fading but there are those days when I have to let it take over but I'm able to control it a lot better - this might be how much I eat/drink or how much walking around a do, or if my OCD has to become slightly worse just to help me cope. I know my triggers, so these coping methods may sound weird to those who can just get on with life, normally today would have resulted in a self harm episode.
I've had a few inspirational young people coming into WDP this week, especially with it being the half term and lots of the younger people are more able to get down to the Centre for Independent Living. I think again this has moved me, made me but a different outlook on my life. My anorexia can due to low confidence, wanting control and god knows what else, I didn't ask for it but I often wonder if I could have prevented it? Some of the young people have had disabilities since they were born and they are so lovely to talk to, they want to make a difference, which is why I'm so bloody determined to get the YA project bigger and to expand. I hate reading and hearing about all the negative press young people get, their a minority, the ones who don't understand something different or refuse to believe these people can make a difference to the world.
I look forward to meeting more young people, young people who want to make a difference and who aren't afraid to stand up and speak. There is still so much stigma around disability when there really doesn't have to be. I've finally let myself speak up about mental health and my journey and as I've been told I've got to use my knowledge and understanding to help inspire young people and give them the confidence to stand up for their own rights and what they deserve.
The conference is round the corner, I'm not just sharing my story but raising the awareness about all the other young people out there who want the help and who also want to make a difference.
Rach
xxxx
Friday 11 February 2011
discharged from eating disorder services ...
Friday 11th February 2011
4:04pm
I couldn't believe it yesterday the wanted discharge from services has finally happened! Once this discharge was something which was only wanted so I could loose weight and go back to the self destruction which I never saw but knew was happening deep down.4:04pm
I had spoken about the discharge for a while, I wanted it but was so scared to let that extra bit of support go. It was the bit of the safety net which was keeping everything stuck together and in some sort of order. However, hearing my mum say she thought it was the next best step I knew it had to be done. The time off work with stress which she had off while I was ill and still support me she was a rock and still is. Saying to my consultant, I want to be discharged was weird, I wanted to be discharged so I could go on and live my life without the worry of a weigh in to make sure I was healthy enough to keep me in the big wide world and not locked back up in a eating disorder unit where I was only able to dream about what was happening outside through a haze of strong medication.
I walked out the room with a massive smile on my face, I skipped out!! okay I'd skipped out of the section assessment but I was that ill I'd managed to tell a bunch of "professionals" that I was fine and try really hard while I was in hospital! Mum has been really good, I was so glad she was at the appointment with me, it needed to happen and I'm glad we could walk out the clinic knowing that we wouldn't have to go back again. The other times I've left clinics I knew straight away I would be back, but it the trick was to try and stay out for as long as possible until the decision was just about to be taken out of my hands.
Having this discharge has been a fresh of fresh air, it's proved that I am able to be trusted and maintain a healthier weight, I am finally able to admit I'm happy. Okay my body dismorphia may still be a bit screwed but I will get there and finally able to appreciate who I am.
Roll on to the future, here's to discharge!!
Rachael
xxxxxxx
Wednesday 9 February 2011
reflecting back ...
Wednesday 9th February 2011
11:37am
Yesterday I made the decision to take Dylan (my rather annoying dog - but still lovely all the same) on a "walk" ... it was a rather bad idea in the end, as I managed to get us lost. Dylan likes to think he has charge of the walk, normally it works, he know our route, however, yesterday he didn't know were we were and neither did I! Thankfully I was still in Warrington and hadn't ventured out to far as I realised when I turned up outside the hospital.
At this point I thought I was going to collapse of dehydration, but luckily WDP isn't to far away so I forced myself to keep on going so I could get a drink there, although I hadn't brought any cash with me, remember this was meant to be a nice walk - not a 3hr trek round Warrington! Luckily Jayne was my knight in shining armer and got me a diet coke, it lasted me much longer than I thought it was! Dylan doesn't drink in public, he's a weird little thing - spent to much time with me before I ended up in hollins park, he was still vulnerable then as we'd only just rescued him!
So this morning, I woke up in pain, my legs are killing from the trek and my back is in agony! The big question running round my head was how the hell did I do walks like this when I was so ill and underweight? I don't get it, I didn't ache I didn't moan the following day I simply was proud that I'd walked so far. It's weird. I'd rather me the person sat here today moaning about how much bloody pain I am in! It's weird, really weird. It's like the odd bad day where I don't eat or can't be bothered to eat when it gets late at night I'm starving and wonder how the hell I got through the 10 days where I was eventually rushed back into hospital as a medical emergency, and on a tube feed. How the hell did I get to that point where nothing mattered just the fact that I wanted to self destruct!
Another massive step for me the past few days is the fact I haven't weighed myself for nearly a week. It's like going cold turkey and its been horrible. To a lot of people weighing yourself is something you don't even think about maybe every now and then just out of interest, you worry about it for a few days and then the moment passes until a couple of years later when the same thing happens. However, weighing myself is like this reassurance I'm not over weight as every morning I wake up I feel like I am and I've gained about 50 stone in the night, stupid yes I know, but it happens.
I came to the conclusion if I could do well when I'm at Tom's and away from my home I should be able to do it from home as well. However, it's a routine I seem to find myself in, so this week I'm trying to dam hard not to break it. I suppose it's in time for the conference, and I also want the 26th Feb to come and I'm just like other members of my family and just reflect back on the time I spent with my Great Gran rather than letting the illness take me over for the day. This year I'm glad to say I won't be upset at home but I'm actually going to be in Huddersfield with Tom and his mummy and daddy! The lads are off to watch the football and the girlies are off for some retail therapy round the town centre. I think this will be one of the only times I won't moan about football!!
So more milestones are being set in and I'm hoping they will stay!! I've got plenty of support around me and I'm looking forward to hoping I can say I've not weighed myself for 6 months like I can now say about my self harming! I am one very happy person taking this one baby step at a time.
thanks for all you support everyone
Rach
xxxx
11:37am
Yesterday I made the decision to take Dylan (my rather annoying dog - but still lovely all the same) on a "walk" ... it was a rather bad idea in the end, as I managed to get us lost. Dylan likes to think he has charge of the walk, normally it works, he know our route, however, yesterday he didn't know were we were and neither did I! Thankfully I was still in Warrington and hadn't ventured out to far as I realised when I turned up outside the hospital.
At this point I thought I was going to collapse of dehydration, but luckily WDP isn't to far away so I forced myself to keep on going so I could get a drink there, although I hadn't brought any cash with me, remember this was meant to be a nice walk - not a 3hr trek round Warrington! Luckily Jayne was my knight in shining armer and got me a diet coke, it lasted me much longer than I thought it was! Dylan doesn't drink in public, he's a weird little thing - spent to much time with me before I ended up in hollins park, he was still vulnerable then as we'd only just rescued him!
So this morning, I woke up in pain, my legs are killing from the trek and my back is in agony! The big question running round my head was how the hell did I do walks like this when I was so ill and underweight? I don't get it, I didn't ache I didn't moan the following day I simply was proud that I'd walked so far. It's weird. I'd rather me the person sat here today moaning about how much bloody pain I am in! It's weird, really weird. It's like the odd bad day where I don't eat or can't be bothered to eat when it gets late at night I'm starving and wonder how the hell I got through the 10 days where I was eventually rushed back into hospital as a medical emergency, and on a tube feed. How the hell did I get to that point where nothing mattered just the fact that I wanted to self destruct!
Another massive step for me the past few days is the fact I haven't weighed myself for nearly a week. It's like going cold turkey and its been horrible. To a lot of people weighing yourself is something you don't even think about maybe every now and then just out of interest, you worry about it for a few days and then the moment passes until a couple of years later when the same thing happens. However, weighing myself is like this reassurance I'm not over weight as every morning I wake up I feel like I am and I've gained about 50 stone in the night, stupid yes I know, but it happens.
I came to the conclusion if I could do well when I'm at Tom's and away from my home I should be able to do it from home as well. However, it's a routine I seem to find myself in, so this week I'm trying to dam hard not to break it. I suppose it's in time for the conference, and I also want the 26th Feb to come and I'm just like other members of my family and just reflect back on the time I spent with my Great Gran rather than letting the illness take me over for the day. This year I'm glad to say I won't be upset at home but I'm actually going to be in Huddersfield with Tom and his mummy and daddy! The lads are off to watch the football and the girlies are off for some retail therapy round the town centre. I think this will be one of the only times I won't moan about football!!
So more milestones are being set in and I'm hoping they will stay!! I've got plenty of support around me and I'm looking forward to hoping I can say I've not weighed myself for 6 months like I can now say about my self harming! I am one very happy person taking this one baby step at a time.
thanks for all you support everyone
Rach
xxxx
Monday 7 February 2011
tea time and visitors ...
Monday 7th February 2011
7:42pm
As always when the door bell rings and I'm about to start either eating my tea or preparing it, I freeze. Literally freeze. The knot in my stomach is horrible and the feeling of sickness comes on all of a sudden, suddenly loosing the appetite I had managed to gain back.
I hoped this would all go or would have gone by now, I'm 19 I shouldn't care if people see me eat! Some people are lucky enough to see the amazing talent of me eating - why am I being sarcastic? I'm used to people making stupid comments about the anorexic eating, or the funny looks I get after explain I have an eating disorder, although sometimes the looks and comments are rather entertaining, but other times I just feel like stopping the meal I find myself looking at and already not really wanting to eat!
It doesn't matter how lovely a person is, the feelings I get around me, them and food is not exactly positive! I result in either hiding in the kitchen or covering up my food and racing up the stairs to eat in my room, in my own private place without the worry of people commenting on my eating habits!
Eating is not as much as a problem but I still don't like eating on my own in other people's houses, I freak out or worry they won't believe I've actually eaten the food, if some of it is eaten before they return back to join me! Work is a good one, I can't sit down on my own at a table until someone is there! At times I find myself wondering aimlessly outside the canteen waiting, normally for Jayne!, before I can go in sit down and eat! It's stupid little things which pee me off, the fact that my eating disorder can still dominate the times of food - well big meals! Little things like snack foods I'm fine with!
My head I suppose is one thing I struggle to understand! I'm the happiest I've been in a long time but yet the anorexia is still trying it's hardest to wiggle it's way back in but a long list of people will help me to stay well!
This is why I look forward to the conference, I can give other people the hope that although little habits may stick, I have the confidence along with my other supporters to get through it and concentrate on the bigger and more positive things in my life and not to dwell on the little niggles which seem to dominate the times were I struggle the most but yet I'm able to have the links in place to get me though the day!
So my life is moving on, and I like the fact I can accept this!
Love
Rach
xxxx
7:42pm
As always when the door bell rings and I'm about to start either eating my tea or preparing it, I freeze. Literally freeze. The knot in my stomach is horrible and the feeling of sickness comes on all of a sudden, suddenly loosing the appetite I had managed to gain back.
I hoped this would all go or would have gone by now, I'm 19 I shouldn't care if people see me eat! Some people are lucky enough to see the amazing talent of me eating - why am I being sarcastic? I'm used to people making stupid comments about the anorexic eating, or the funny looks I get after explain I have an eating disorder, although sometimes the looks and comments are rather entertaining, but other times I just feel like stopping the meal I find myself looking at and already not really wanting to eat!
It doesn't matter how lovely a person is, the feelings I get around me, them and food is not exactly positive! I result in either hiding in the kitchen or covering up my food and racing up the stairs to eat in my room, in my own private place without the worry of people commenting on my eating habits!
Eating is not as much as a problem but I still don't like eating on my own in other people's houses, I freak out or worry they won't believe I've actually eaten the food, if some of it is eaten before they return back to join me! Work is a good one, I can't sit down on my own at a table until someone is there! At times I find myself wondering aimlessly outside the canteen waiting, normally for Jayne!, before I can go in sit down and eat! It's stupid little things which pee me off, the fact that my eating disorder can still dominate the times of food - well big meals! Little things like snack foods I'm fine with!
My head I suppose is one thing I struggle to understand! I'm the happiest I've been in a long time but yet the anorexia is still trying it's hardest to wiggle it's way back in but a long list of people will help me to stay well!
This is why I look forward to the conference, I can give other people the hope that although little habits may stick, I have the confidence along with my other supporters to get through it and concentrate on the bigger and more positive things in my life and not to dwell on the little niggles which seem to dominate the times were I struggle the most but yet I'm able to have the links in place to get me though the day!
So my life is moving on, and I like the fact I can accept this!
Love
Rach
xxxx
Tuesday 1 February 2011
... creating a future ...
Tuesday 1st February 2011
6:36pm
Recently I have realised how much the experience being gained with Warrington Disability Partnership is helping me achieve my dreams for creating a future, a positive one, and one which I intend to live to my full potential.
Last week I worked with a primary school in warrington which helped them to understand more about disabilities and how they may affect someone in all sorts of different ways. The primary school children are so lovely to work with, and what I loved more than anything was how they are not scared to ask you the questions that everyone wants to know. One child asked "what's it like to be disabled?" the teacher looked shocked that the question had been asked but I think it needed to and I was glad it was.
Primary School is the age I would love to develop work with. They still have the want to know, and getting them early about things such as disability always helps for the future. Not just the disabilities which people are more willing to talk about - seen disabilities but also the unseen disabilities which teachers or other tend to be scared of talking about, mental health especially or learning difficulties which may not be noticeable.
The fact that a young child can stand up in front of his classmates and tell them he doesn't like being laughed at due to his disability was so moving. The class realised how much this could hurt someone just a snigger at the back of a room if someone "acts up".
I was able to speak to year 6 about body image, something which I started to struggle with at their age, I felt bigger than everyone else, smaller and not as worthy. I asked the children to think of 2 positive things about themselves and a lot of them struggled, which was really sad to see! We can easily give positive comments to other people but to our selves we feel vain and that positivity is not worth to give to ourselves.
Tomorrow I'm off to another Primary School and I look forward to speaking to more younger people. The High Schools are also lovely to work in, they want to interact at times, and my personal talk can make a much bigger impact on them, especially to young girls, despite the fact eating disorders do also affect lads too.
The Primary School, made me realise I need to carry on with what I'm doing these young children are our future and maybe one day they will be carrying on the work which WDP do now.
love
Rach
x x x
6:36pm
Recently I have realised how much the experience being gained with Warrington Disability Partnership is helping me achieve my dreams for creating a future, a positive one, and one which I intend to live to my full potential.
Last week I worked with a primary school in warrington which helped them to understand more about disabilities and how they may affect someone in all sorts of different ways. The primary school children are so lovely to work with, and what I loved more than anything was how they are not scared to ask you the questions that everyone wants to know. One child asked "what's it like to be disabled?" the teacher looked shocked that the question had been asked but I think it needed to and I was glad it was.
Primary School is the age I would love to develop work with. They still have the want to know, and getting them early about things such as disability always helps for the future. Not just the disabilities which people are more willing to talk about - seen disabilities but also the unseen disabilities which teachers or other tend to be scared of talking about, mental health especially or learning difficulties which may not be noticeable.
The fact that a young child can stand up in front of his classmates and tell them he doesn't like being laughed at due to his disability was so moving. The class realised how much this could hurt someone just a snigger at the back of a room if someone "acts up".
I was able to speak to year 6 about body image, something which I started to struggle with at their age, I felt bigger than everyone else, smaller and not as worthy. I asked the children to think of 2 positive things about themselves and a lot of them struggled, which was really sad to see! We can easily give positive comments to other people but to our selves we feel vain and that positivity is not worth to give to ourselves.
Tomorrow I'm off to another Primary School and I look forward to speaking to more younger people. The High Schools are also lovely to work in, they want to interact at times, and my personal talk can make a much bigger impact on them, especially to young girls, despite the fact eating disorders do also affect lads too.
The Primary School, made me realise I need to carry on with what I'm doing these young children are our future and maybe one day they will be carrying on the work which WDP do now.
love
Rach
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