So here we are 2011 ...

Sunday 2nd January 2011

08:32am

So here it is, 2011, the year I have been waiting for, why? Because I can finally leave my teenage years behind and turn 20 without having to think I've wasted my teens with my desire to be the best anorexic, I can now feel more like an adult and move on and so when the 9th August comes I will be one happy lady!!

This year I have more things to look forward to!! At the end of January me and Tom have been going out for 6 months - although that may not seem a lot to those who have been in relationships for a while this is a massive thing for me, the thought of been able to stick through things and not try and run away is really good and I love the fact that I have Tom to keep me going!! February will be the "Talking Eating Disorders" conference which I am now well enough to speak at ... I hope to be driving legally by April and to also have a photo of me actually eating at some point later in the year, the one thing which scares me!! July will bring the 1st year of me working at Warrington Disability Partnership (the longest I have ever worked for without relapsing!!) the 20th Disability Awareness Day and also time to celebrate me putting up with Tom for a year!! August will be my 20th and I will be counting down the days, people will say I'm wishing my life away but I'm not, honestly, October will be Tom's 21st - so saving has started already then the end of the year will be in sight with the hope that 2012 will be another fantastic year!

The last few months of 2010 have been amazing, and I've loved every minute of it. My parents have noticed the dramatic change over the past few months, but really I have one place to thank for it!! Warrington Disability Partnership, as I really don't think I would be in the position of finally realising I deserve a life, college was starting to go down hill and that is normally the sign that things are going backwards, however along with mum and dad, WDP gave me the strength which I needed to keep on plodding on, and it's helped. Finding a purpose in life is something which I've been looking for for a while and I'm glad I've found it.

My mum, dad and younger brother have looked after me so well the past few years, keeping me going, putting up with my anorexic fits but more importantly kept me alive and kept telling me that life would get better, I would learn to be in control of my anorexia properly and be able to lead a 'normal' everyday life. Despite the petty falling out, but they needed to happen as I missed out on a proper 'teenage tantrum' mum has stuck by me 110% if not more. She loves the fact that I'm moving on and finally able to help others have the voice to speak up and say enough is enough. I suppose in that way I do take after mum, the loud mouths but to make sure that it makes a positive difference to the scary world of mental health. Dad is just dad, think he'll always be the same, laid back without a care in the world!! Then our Phillip, he's just the same as dad and I'm surprised he hasn't fallen over backwards!!

I have another family to thank really for allowing me to come in and plonk myself right in the middle of them all!! Jayne, Beany, James, Tom and of course Zelda!! From about August, I think I've 'entertained' them with my ability to fit in!! I feel like I have two homes which is nice as finally my second one is not a flipping hospital or unit but in fact with a proper family. Tom knows how much he has changed things, I think I tell him enough but the fact we both see a future is really nice as it proves I have nothing to fear, I just know that I have to keep myself well in order to achieve this. Jayne and Beany, I think are the first people I have actually trusted straight away in a long time (of course Tom as well) I always feel welcome which is probably why I keep going back and sitting on MY SOFA!! Again they to know how much I think of them as they have the occasional sloppy text off me but also a Jayne hug ALWAYS helps me get through a bad day. James has now jumped on board and found the confidence to also pick on me just like the rest of the family, but I can't complain to much really!!!

I hope that 2011 is a good year not just for me but also the people I care about, you have all made me the person that I am today. We have proved the 'professionals' wrong, I am still alive despite the doubts by a lot of them and I have also realised that anorexia is not my life - it may be my past and my present for a while but I'm determined to let it finally leave me and look forward to a happy future, a future which I once gave up on. So thank you to everyone who has/is keeping me well!!

Lots of Love to a positive and happy 2011

Rach

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