... 2010 coming to an end already ...

Friday 24th December 2010

Christmas Eve

10:04 pm

I can't believe that I'm sitting here actually awaiting for tomorrow. I've found my purpose once again for wanting to enjoy Christmas - Tom! Being able to go out and buy him a present and spoil him was lovely =] I enjoyed every minute, and for once appreciated life.

Although tomorrow, I will not be tucking into a Christmas Dinner, I will be able to appreciate being well and sitting down in the morning with the three other main people in my life. My mum, dad and little brother! I know you're all wondering why I'm not eating Christmas Dinner, I'm well right? That meal is just one in which I struggle to actually do - it's accepted in my house now, I suppose after 5 years you do have to get used to it, but I'd rather not eat it and feel like I can enjoy the day than to eat and fill myself up with guilt and be a complete cow all day. In time I reckon I will be able to do it but at the moment, it can be for the Christmas when I know it will stay down and I will appreciate the time and effort which has gone into making the meal and the extra special effort for my delightful vegetarian option!! I see the ones before Christmas as a roast dinner, I suppose I have to but that is how things go.

My family always make sure I at least enjoy the morning, and take my mind off the rest of the day. Making Christmas work is what works for us now, although I feel guilty been unable to appreciate what mum cooks - she knows that I only don't have a christmas meal for my own 'safety' i suppose and I love her so much for accepting all the circumstances around how I cope through the day.

Tomorrow the actually day should be interesting, I'm spending it with tom at pam and dave's with the rest of his family and for once I won't be counting down the hours till I get to go home - I just hope I don't do my party trick and fall asleep after a few drinks!!!!!!!

I wish you all a merry christmas, for those of you who may have family and friends or are the individual in hospital - especially those who may be in with an eating disorder or other mental health issue, I really do hope you find the light to get better and work towards having the life in which you all really do deserve. That little voice in your head is just that a voice, you as a person are much more powerful allow yourself to find the strength to get better, it will happen, it does happen. I may still be on my journey but I tell you what it is so so worth it!! Professionals gave up all hope in me but my family kept me strong and I found a purpose and refuse to let it go.

To ALL the girls I met through my journey through units, I hope that you have a lovely christmas and a magical 2011, I miss you all lots and think about you often, although I may be doing other things with my life you all still play a massive part in my life.

Love to you all

x x x x x x x x x