Sunday 19th DEcemeber 2010
6:58pm
I'm sat here in the bond hotel not believing what is happening - my life has changed and the thought of what will happen no longer scares me. Although my life seems to be moving so quickly these past few days in blackpool have been the funniest few days I have had in a long time. I've got drunk and not worried about calories, been filmed drinking and acting like a prat to the cheesy but entertaining music at the bond hotel.
A few people had told me I wouldn't enjoy it, but this break is exactly what I have needed, it is something which has been crying out for a long time ... but why? I have finally found people outside my own family who don't just see me as the 'anorexic' for once I'm Tom's girlfriend and I love it. People only have to be told if they have to. When I'm asked how I got involved with WDP especially been 'young' I'm more than willing to share my story - nothing to do with attention but simply because it raises awareness of the amount of evil hung over me for 6 years and still sometimes plays a horrible role in my life.
Not bringing my scales away with me, although hard I have managed to get my mind into thinking well I'm doing a lot of walking, and I can feel the guilt slowly sweeping away. Yesterday was a hard day, and it was noticed - much to my disappointment to my dismay, weirdly I was missing my scales and the urge to make myself sick was so high but I plowed through with a lot of help from everyone here.
Not only has Tom been a life saver this weekend but so has everyone else. I was worried about getting drunk - since I'm such a light weight but apparently I've entertained everyone here - including an embarrising film of my dancing like a prat, but also thanking Jayne for giving birth to Tom as he makes me happy - yes I did get that drunk. Once alcohol made things seems better, I drank just so I could relax - no I'm not an alcoholic despite what certain people may think - I was drinking socially I just don't handle it very well!! 2 double vodkas are enough with a dash of fresh air - resulting in me falling asleep in the seating area and my knight in shining armer bringing me up to bed and putting me in my PJs!!!!! - sadly this does mean I can no longer skit him about Huddersfield and the drunken pumkin events - but it will pop up I'm sure, just as last night will!!!
Although tacky, Blackpool has brought the much needed smile and excitment needed for Christmas. I think telling rude jokes and singing the yogi bear song while downstairs has allowed me to see the less serious side of a lot of people - mind you I think I'd seen it anyway just never appreciated it much - but that's how people are at times.
So, for those who are worried about trying something new, I suggest you just go for it - I've stayed away from home with a boy lols and managed to face fears which I may not have managed for another few months if I'd not taken this amazing opportunity up - if me and tom hadn't been going out before Blackpool, we certainly would now =p
Life changes and it more often than not changes for the better - for once I'm appreciating life and taking the good with the bad. I can make jokes around my illness and allow others to do the same, although hard if I didn't laugh I wouldn't be here!!
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
6:58pm
I'm sat here in the bond hotel not believing what is happening - my life has changed and the thought of what will happen no longer scares me. Although my life seems to be moving so quickly these past few days in blackpool have been the funniest few days I have had in a long time. I've got drunk and not worried about calories, been filmed drinking and acting like a prat to the cheesy but entertaining music at the bond hotel.
A few people had told me I wouldn't enjoy it, but this break is exactly what I have needed, it is something which has been crying out for a long time ... but why? I have finally found people outside my own family who don't just see me as the 'anorexic' for once I'm Tom's girlfriend and I love it. People only have to be told if they have to. When I'm asked how I got involved with WDP especially been 'young' I'm more than willing to share my story - nothing to do with attention but simply because it raises awareness of the amount of evil hung over me for 6 years and still sometimes plays a horrible role in my life.
Not bringing my scales away with me, although hard I have managed to get my mind into thinking well I'm doing a lot of walking, and I can feel the guilt slowly sweeping away. Yesterday was a hard day, and it was noticed - much to my disappointment to my dismay, weirdly I was missing my scales and the urge to make myself sick was so high but I plowed through with a lot of help from everyone here.
Not only has Tom been a life saver this weekend but so has everyone else. I was worried about getting drunk - since I'm such a light weight but apparently I've entertained everyone here - including an embarrising film of my dancing like a prat, but also thanking Jayne for giving birth to Tom as he makes me happy - yes I did get that drunk. Once alcohol made things seems better, I drank just so I could relax - no I'm not an alcoholic despite what certain people may think - I was drinking socially I just don't handle it very well!! 2 double vodkas are enough with a dash of fresh air - resulting in me falling asleep in the seating area and my knight in shining armer bringing me up to bed and putting me in my PJs!!!!! - sadly this does mean I can no longer skit him about Huddersfield and the drunken pumkin events - but it will pop up I'm sure, just as last night will!!!
Although tacky, Blackpool has brought the much needed smile and excitment needed for Christmas. I think telling rude jokes and singing the yogi bear song while downstairs has allowed me to see the less serious side of a lot of people - mind you I think I'd seen it anyway just never appreciated it much - but that's how people are at times.
So, for those who are worried about trying something new, I suggest you just go for it - I've stayed away from home with a boy lols and managed to face fears which I may not have managed for another few months if I'd not taken this amazing opportunity up - if me and tom hadn't been going out before Blackpool, we certainly would now =p
Life changes and it more often than not changes for the better - for once I'm appreciating life and taking the good with the bad. I can make jokes around my illness and allow others to do the same, although hard if I didn't laugh I wouldn't be here!!
x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x
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