Hands on the clock only turn one way

Sunday 24th August 2014
03:11pm

So I tried doing to separate blogs one for JBL and then this one, but to be honest it just to far to complicated and so I've decided to just stick to the one mixing in what is going on with JBL and also what's going on from my own personal situation.

Last blogged officially in March (eek)

So what's gone on then, well rather a lot.  I suppose the biggest barrier I've had to over come is the stigma attached around my own abilities due to the fact I have a diagnosed psychiatric illness.This sadly came from college.  I'm studying a Foundation Degree in Counselling and how I am in the classroom apparently in someway shows how I would be in a counselling room and I could also be affected by what people bring.  The way I see it is all counselors will be touched by something which is why we have supervision.

Through JBL I come in contact with many people who have been affected by something similar to myself, if I really couldn't cope believe me I'd say and I wouldn't be able to be involved with JBL as much as I'd like.  I was heartbroken to hear how this decision had been made based on my diagnosis and how I am in a classroom setting.  My last years of high school and then college were not what I'd call enjoyable, very quickly people became aware of how "crazy" I was and I was sent horrific messages at times.  Hence my wary of  educational settings no matter how old my class mates may be.  I would like to think my work with JBL is professional when it needs to be.

With this I decided to start awareness around Borderline Personality Disorder, so far it's going well.  I'm so thankful that people have shown me the support with this project.  I say it a lot but I really am not ashamed of having mental health issues, what is shameful is the stigma that is still placed around it.  This has been shown through the sad passing of Robin Williams.

Robin Williams was known to suffer from depression but just not to the extent the public found out sadly last week.  The way in which is was reported was shameful and some of the stories I found triggering.  Some papers talked in detail about how he ended his life with others questioning what he had to be so depressed about. So what he was rich and funny  but that doesn't make someone less likely to suffer from mental health issues.  So many people have said he should have been able to get the help because he was so rich would then would have allowed him to snap out of it. You have to want help before you can seek it and then there is policies in the way of that if you do want it.

On so many occasions I've been told to snap out of it or pull myself together.  On my darkest days I so wish I could.  I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy, although then at times I just think if you could spend just one day in my shoes to see what it is really like on a bad day.  I'm lucky that the family and friends I do still have around me are understanding but I know they to also struggle at times to understand why I'm so desperate to end it all.  I've had to let people go who don't understand who have made it obvious that they don't want me around because of the fact I struggle in certain situations.  Those who have took the time to ask questions and find out about how they can help do their up most to help and I am thankful, even if at times I don't show it.

JBL has done a couple of fundraisers which have gone really well and I hope they have raised awareness about what we offer.  We did an event in Northwich on Friday which was brilliant ran by Cheshire CIL and I was also able to use by Young DPULO Ambassador hat talking to many young people about what we did and about the upcoming Young Ambassador Community Challenge.

I've been living independently for over a year now and Tilly and I were joined by Winnie who is now 4 months and a great friend for Tilly, I really am turning into a crazy cat lady, if the flat was bigger I would be like the lady of the Simpsons who actually walks round with them attached to her!

I am hoping to be a better blogger from now on with only having to worry about one blog!

Rach x xx