feeling wanted =]

monday 30th August 2010

09:39am

yesterday was amazing =] i got to help celebrate jayne and beany's birthday wondering round the trafford centre - mostly with jayne as she doesn't moan while shopping and everynow and then we both went sssshhhhoooooeeeessss =p i do need a new pair but Tom has already decided that I have too many - we have only been going out just over a month and he's already made up his mind!! hahaha!!! well i managed to get a nice new skirt from new look and some 'shoes' from m&s =] all good so i'm rather happy =] it was nice to actually feel wanted, i felt like i was actually wanted to be there not out of sympathy but because people actually like me! i'm used to been the sympathy card, rr we'll ask rach, she's ill ... will do her good to get out! erm no it did me better to stay at home and not move as that day out was like a day of exercise, if they thought like an anorexic they'd see it differently, although please don't try and its dangerous!!! my head should have big flashing red light on it!!

about half 3, the question of 'have you eaten?' popped up, my reply yes (as i had ... just not a meal) so of course tom had his little work with me and we wondered off, well i kind of stormed off to be honest as half 3 is closer to tea so it would mean i would be having two teas if i ate then - something which i'm explaining to tom without trying to scream at him ... but he was right truthfully i did needed a proper meal but the little bit of my anorexia still in my brain was like he wants you fat, i know he doesn't we've had this irrational conversation already, he's not trying to make me fat just keep me well ... bless!! and i've said i'm going to try so hard to change how i feel about eating meals, obviously i eat, suprisingly anorexics do or we would actually all be dead within a few weeks, blunt but very true, we just restrict so you can get all the facts that we don't eat out of your head as it's a load of bull!!! okay yes we may go days without food but eventually we do! i have just got stuck in habbits i feel better having a snack than a meal but it doesn't really do me much good i know!! but tom looked after me then we went back so i could help jayne choose a new maxi dress which we found and it's lovely =] i do approve =]

after our hectic day in trafford watching fish eat people's feet for 15 minutes for a tenner, we trotted off back to the horton's for our wii night to celebrate the birthday properly with some chinese and alcohol!! wii was brill though i beat beany, okay slightly cheated but so what i won =p and drank beer!! dont know how many of you have seen the photos on fb but i actually enjoyed myself and felt like i was wanted there!! it comes to something though when your bf family have already asked you about christmas, maybe this yr i will actually want christmas to come!! i'm such a scrooge things just annoy me too much - i know why as christmas is associated with food =[ i've not had a christmas dinner for about 4 / 5 yrs . . . yes i know i'm veggie but i can still have a veggie crimbo dinner =]

i had my meeting at the harrison centre the other day ... what a joke!! the depression i have is now labelled as S.A.D which i find rather apt considering i am rather sad if im depressed but hey but you have to laugh when people try and undiagnose you with it who aren't professionals, i know my own feeling and thoughts and when i read the flipping symptoms i'm like a typical case hahaha!!! oohh well =] at least i fit in there =p

yes so yesterday i felt wanted =] thanks the hortons for making the day so good, know it was your birthday so would have been anyway!!!

x x x x x x x