decision making . . .

Saturday 14th August 2010

6:40pm

Over the past few weeks my life has slowly been changing and I realised that what I thought I wanted was not actually me but my anorexia, and i'm sick of it dominating my life, controling my thoughts and unable for me to be me!

I faced the fact that I'm not going to go to uni, not yet anyway ... why? simply because I've missed out on a good few years of my life and I want to live them before I go to uni and find myself in a daft amount of debt!! WDP has opened my eyes, uni isn't me, not yet . . . working for such an amazing charity and gaining experience is what I need at the moment, i'm becoming a stronger person simply because of a bunch of people who entered my life just a few months ago and i'm loving them even more for it!! Just because i'm not going to uni now doesn't mean i won't achieve my dreams, I can still catch them - aim for the stars and reach for the moon =], my life for once is actually mine no one elses, the person who i'm becoming is who I want to be!! confident, ditzy but at the same time i know when to switch on my inteligant side =] hahaha!!!

i've missed out on growing up, i want to be able to own a car, have a family and prove that those with mental health issues can do things, things do get better ... no matter what the press says! i'm very proactive and i'm determined to stay like this, i refuse to let my illness wreck how happy i am at the moment. i'm 19 but at times feel like i'm still 13, trying to find myself before my anorexia rudley marched into my life and took everything great I had, but yet it also has created some amazing opportunities. the hell hole of hollins park for me presentated me with the wonderful pals team and dave thompson =] who put me in the position to raise awareness from a young person and that hell hole grew into a heaven!! i was able to make a difference and start to be able to help others! something i've always wanted to do i'm just doing it in a different way!!!!

this year of college will be my final year of education until i feel strong enough to venture out to uni and trust myself to eat properly and not take advantage of my situation being alone and not being watched!!! even at work i'm watched, at home, at tom's but i'm fine with it i'm rather they do it now as i really would if i had the opportunity not but i don't want to be that person i'm PRO RECOVERY something i never thought i would ever write =] my life for once is how i want it thanks to the new people who have entered my life plus my close family and friends who i have already.

I think a new family needs a mention a big mention =] Hortons =] tom, jayne, beany, jim and zelda of course!!!! i've actually eaten in their house food i would never have dreamt of having in front of anyone but my own parents!! welcome to my circle of trust!!! thanks for letting me take over your house and sofa and be able to be me without fear of me looking like a tit!!! yes it's cheesy but do i care, for once no i don't =] normally i go right within myself with people but i'm actually becoming more of me!! so what i talk over the telly =p get over it beany hahahaha!!!!!! i have opal fruits on tap along with krispy kreame doughnuts!!!!! hahahaha!!!!!!!!

well better be off need to go and party!!!

lots of love my little blog followers

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