Tuesday 24th August 2010
11:37pm
i have been told over and over again about how far I have come but that is from people who have known me well - unwell and starting out on my recovery from anorexia. People can at times drain me, as nice as they want to be - but after getting upset from a simple talk i did yesterday, i finally realised, after been told for the millionth time that if i hadn't got ill i wouldn't be the person i am today! I was always wanting to help people, do things for charities, following charities which meant something to other people but i never really understood myself. I now work for a charity and love it, if i had never have dropped so low in mood last year i would not have been able to make myself strong enough to help other people. I still find it hard to take my own advice, taking advice yesterday made me think!! for once i am actually happy, not faking a smile but getting up glad that i'm alive!! okay yes i still have odd morning where i dont feel like fan-dabby-dosie but i get on with life something which i would have never done before!
tonight watching BB final and watching the old housemates go in i realised i once was jealous of nikki graham, she was thin, skeletal even she was what i wanted to be my idea of perfection tonight i watched her go in and was dreading the next 18 days, Urika Johnson also went in, both of whom have not always recieved positive press about their weight, and i actually worried about what the media would get out of this! I know anorexia and other eds will be in the media and the publisity will not be great, truthfully it never really ill with mental health, i will always be seen as the nutter or whatever, so i hope that stamp out stigma works out properly and actually makes a difference!
i have a new life in front of me and i can't wait!
xxxxxx
11:37pm
i have been told over and over again about how far I have come but that is from people who have known me well - unwell and starting out on my recovery from anorexia. People can at times drain me, as nice as they want to be - but after getting upset from a simple talk i did yesterday, i finally realised, after been told for the millionth time that if i hadn't got ill i wouldn't be the person i am today! I was always wanting to help people, do things for charities, following charities which meant something to other people but i never really understood myself. I now work for a charity and love it, if i had never have dropped so low in mood last year i would not have been able to make myself strong enough to help other people. I still find it hard to take my own advice, taking advice yesterday made me think!! for once i am actually happy, not faking a smile but getting up glad that i'm alive!! okay yes i still have odd morning where i dont feel like fan-dabby-dosie but i get on with life something which i would have never done before!
tonight watching BB final and watching the old housemates go in i realised i once was jealous of nikki graham, she was thin, skeletal even she was what i wanted to be my idea of perfection tonight i watched her go in and was dreading the next 18 days, Urika Johnson also went in, both of whom have not always recieved positive press about their weight, and i actually worried about what the media would get out of this! I know anorexia and other eds will be in the media and the publisity will not be great, truthfully it never really ill with mental health, i will always be seen as the nutter or whatever, so i hope that stamp out stigma works out properly and actually makes a difference!
i have a new life in front of me and i can't wait!
xxxxxx
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