30 Day Challenge - Day 29

Friday 26th September 2014

05:42pm

Day 29

What are a few of your goals regarding your mental health?

- Accepting everyone is not as understanding

- Stay stable or at least safe

- Don't knock myself when I have a bad day

- Use the people around me for support

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 28

Thursday 25th September 2014

08:42am

Day 28

Explain a “bad” day

To me a bad day is a day when I can't cope.  I like to be on my own (which isn't a good things really) and I just let me mind run away with me.  My suicidal thoughts normally increase and the urge to self harm rises - sometimes to the extent I have to act on those thoughts because the fear of if I don't will mean that when I do act it could be 100 times worse.

With having BPD my mood can fluctuate quickly over a short amount of time, so when I'm on an extreme high - it's trying to prepare myself that a low will be pending.

I've taught myself well I think mainly because I feel I've had to with limited professional support, what I do use to help me through a bad day may in all honestly be frowned upon by others, but until I have the help I'm screaming out for I'm not going to know.

The main thing with a bad day is to remember when possible "tomorrow is another day" which is something I try my hardest to live by when things aren't feeling right.

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 27

Wednesday 24th September 2014

08:14pm

Day 27

Explain a “good” day

A good day for me is being able to recognise how I'm feeling.  It's also been able to see when I'm doing to much.

I like to be able to get with things and be able to do the "normal" day to day things without panicking to much.

This is actually a hard one to explain, which may seem very odd!

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 26

Tuesday 23rd September 2014

04:22pm

Day 26

How is your day-to-day life effected by your mental illness(es)?

It depends on how my mood is.  Some days I can be fine and things don't really affected me, which means I can process things a lot easier, sort of keep on top of my emotions.

I think on a bad day or if I'm having an episode as such - things seems really strange.  Best way I can describe it is being in a bubble or when you see on a film someone standing still and the rest of the world whizzing on by in super fast motion.

I don't trust myself and what ever I think doesn't feel right.  Sometimes I can't notice when I'm slipping which for me is when things are scary, when I need someone to pull me aside and say something.

I hate hating myself, I hate wanting to be someone else and I hate the thoughts which I get or things which come into my head. I think what gets to me more is when I can't handle something or worry that people will be scared or are freaked out by what I do have to say.

You can live a life with mental health issues but what I've learnt is that I have to be honest if something is triggering me, or I'm starting to not feel right.  Everyone copes differently, what I think is "normal" if I was to say it out loud may receive some funny looks.

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 25

Sunday 21st September 2014

07:53pm

Day 25

What is your opinion on forced mental health treatment? Can be legal (law enforcement or psychiatric holds) or a “helping” friend/family member

**TRIGGER WARNING**

Ask me this when I'm unwell and you'll probably get a different answer!

At times these are needed, whether it is a section 2 (assessment for 28 days) or section 3 (up to 6 month holding period for treatment)  there are other sections which can be used which the police can enforce, but for the sake of long term psych treatment these are the most commonly used.

While I was ill I was held on a section 5(4) - (nurses holding power for up to 6hrs) and then on a 5(2) - (doctors holding power for up to 72hrs) I was assessed on a number of occasions but managed to someone how show I had capability and capacity.  If I'm honest looking back I should have been sectioned, but I'm also glad I didn't as in all honesty I think I'd be in a very different situation now.  

What I did find hard with forced care was on the occasions I was restrained, I think in all honestly it is a feeling which I will never be able to explain properly.  Getting pinned to the floor to "calm" someone down is awful and I think it's even harder when you hear someone else been restrained.  Having someone screaming in my face or having an episode in front of me I could someone deal with that better than either myself being restrained or hearing someone else being restrained.  Just thinking about it is bringing tears to my eyes, physically it doesn't hurt, it's not meant to but psychologically it's different, something which they never mentioned in restraint training for staff.

My nasal feed was an experience I should have hated, but in fact that tube became a friend.  It took the responsibility away of me having to eat and it was the nurses who were making me "fat".  Again I understand that tube feeds are at times needed and a life saving resource for many, as at the time it was for me.

My "helping" person was my parents while I was under 16 they had a lot of say of my care then that all changed on my 16th birthday and I suddenly had all this power over my own care.  My parents refused to bring me home after I collapsed and ended up in hospital and my stays just continued from there.  I've been honest with my parents and said if I ever needed hospital stay I would have to be sectioned to be put back in hospital, it is something which I don't want to have to relive.  I really do believe being in the community is a much better option for treatment for me.  I do not disbelieve for some people hospital treatment is needed and I would hate to put someone off from an inpatient stay if it is needed.  

I got to used to been in hospital and I really struggled to settle back in at home which has always upset me, as I really found it hard, it was my home and the place where I grew up but I just never felt right once I was back.  Which is a big reason why I was so desperate to move out and into my own place.

I don't mean to sound negative, and apologies if I've upset anyone reading this.

At times forced treatment IS needed, however, I do believe this should be looked at continually through treatment.

Rachael x

30 Day Challenge - Day 24

Saturday 20th September 2014

09:38am

Day 24

What is your opinion on alternative treatments or treatments that aren’t commonly used? 

For some people they do work, I've never really enjoyed the "alternative route" especially as I don't understand how a picture can represent something, especially if the only thing is you can draw is a house, tree and a few stick men.  To me that just shows my limitations of drawings and the reason why I never took up my artistic talents and dropped the subject as soon as I could.

I don't discourage people from trying any therapy as for the simple fact we are all different and things work differently for others.

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 23

Friday 19th September 2014

05:53pm

Day 23

What is your opinion on therapy?

I think if you are ready for therapy then it can work, but that's the key.  You have to want therapy.  I found through inpatient care and through some of my treatment as an outpatient it as been forced.  Which I have found now that I am ready is been used against me as I wouldn't participate in the past.

I've done a range of therapy both in a group setting and a 1:1.  These included art, person centered, Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and even forced to do art therapy.  Through my eating disorder treatment on the unit we also had dietetic advice and group to prepare us for the "outside world"

My experience hasn't been positive, and this is a reason why I am doing my counselling.  I always remember wishing the person sat in front of me had some experience other than just reading a book.  I remember asking so many people, do you actually know what it's like to be a young person living with a mental health issue the answer was always a stumbled "No, sorry I don't but I can imagine" to be honest I don't think anyone who has not en-counted mental health can come close to "imagining"

My experience as I wasn't ready left me angry, and wish there had been other ways of working but still being able to have that support outside the family.

Rach x