Reality.com

Sunday 10th April 2011
8:06pm

I suppose recently my life or should I really say mood has been up and down like I wouldn't believe, or the fact that this bad week was once I good week when I was so skeletal I couldn't even accept that my life was falling a part.

My anti depressants have been reduced - and although it's a good thing, the week while they are reduced and getting into my system is just blah. When medication is increased it's great but urgh having them reduced feels like I'm coming off some illegal drug and my dependence for that drug is so needy its untrue... fluoxetine is a type of Prozac and used mainly for young people and those who suffer from eating disorders, but saying that everyone is different and what it may do for me it might not help someone else.

I'm still taking my driving lessons (STRESS!!!!!) I wanted to be passed by now but nope again my depression etc like to take over and it means its taken me too long for my liking to be driving - the theory was a pain in the ass, kept putting it off as the thought of having to do an exam was horrible the practical test doesn't phase me but god did the theory - felt like I was back in school and could feel my chest getting tighter as the questions were coming up. However, I have had to admit defeat and accept that manual car driving is getting me know where - it was suggested I should try automatic and so that's what I've done and it's such a better and nicer drive. Things seem to be slipping into place. I know not everyone (if anyone) agreed of even still does agree with the fact I've gone in an automatic to do my test in, but it's took so much pressure off me mentally and I feel so much more confident. So I'm hoping to do my test next month and have my own car before disability awareness day - maybe I'm aiming to high but it's a target which can be moved further back or closer I don't have to be driving for DAD but it would be nice to be able to help a bit more!.

So my old facebook account is officially gone, the deletion is definite and I can start a fresh start on a new account. It has helped a lot although my new account seems to like telling people that I've deleted them (When I've not and can still see them on chat!)

I suppose I want a new me and a new start with the people who I have in my life at the moment, I see my new life with my family plus my second family the Horton's :) - I know I have a long way to go,but I'm determined to be a recovered anorexic than being a recovering anorexic. Life is complicated and brings shit a long with it, but I suppose mistakes aren't mistakes they're learning curves and ones which will help me get to the place I need to be.


Rach
xxx