30 Day Challenge - Day 19

Monday 15th September 2014

09:14am

Day 19

Have you ever read a self-help book or a book related to psychology?  What is your opinion on them?  If you have read them do you have a favourite?

I've never really read a self-help book as such, what I've found more beneficial is reading other people's journeys.  It seems to sink in more when I'm struggling that someone else has experienced something similar and has found a way out of it.

I know my mum has read loads and she seemed to swap them with the other parents she made friends with along the way.  I'm surprised my mum hasn't done one yet with Wendy (one of her closest friends who she met while I was poorly - I suppose one good thing that came from a shitty situation for my mum)

Through doing my degree at the moment I always seem to find myself flicking to the glossary to see if eating disorders or personality disorders are covered, and finding out what the authors view on a certain theory is.  Every theory works differently on each individual and it would be nice for a theorist to state that at some point, however, I'm still looking.

So as for a favourite I would have to say I don't have one book in particular, but I do prefer to read from an author who has actually experienced what they are talking about other than just from "professional" point of view.  

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 18

Sunday 14th September 2014

03:57pm

Day 18

What do you wish people would understand in regards to mental illness and/or mental health?

I wish people would realise it's not something which you can snap out of and get over.  What I've found harder is the view many people have when you have been in hospital over your mental health and then think just because you are home things are automatically okay again.

If anything been in hospital (in my opinion) was the easy part.  Getting back home is when things do get harder as people's expectations are that you are well and there is nothing to worry about.  As much as I hated being in hospital it was safe.  The same people came in and out, and all that mattered was what went on in side those walls. 

There are times when I wonder do I need to go back in for a bit.  I think the honest truth is at some of those times the answer has been yes, but I'm lucky with the fact that the support I have around me have battled those times with me.  It was hard when I moved out of mum and dad's I had to quickly learn to ignore the voices not to eat and end it all.

I just wish people would simply UNDERSTAND , I know mental health is a mine field but it would just be nice if people could just actually do that.  Just listen allow that person to work through what they are doing, see them as people and not as an attention seeker.  I do sometimes wonder if even just trying to get people to understand is to much.  We hear so much negativity through media, I worry people at to scared to understand in case that makes them as "crazy" as the person they are talking to.

Rach x  

30 Day Challenge - Day 17

Saturday 13th September 2014
06:34pm

Day 17
If you could get rid of your mental illness(es) would you?  Why or why not?

If I had the choice of having mental health issues in the first place I'd have said no, however, having lived with them and doing the work I have done to raise awareness it's nice to just be stable at times.  

What I do hate is the fact I've missed out on a lot and that's what does frustrate me.  I often wonder why me, why the hell did I have to have mental health issues.  

The question really has me thinking ...

Rach 

30 Day Challenge - Day 16

Friday 12th September 2014
1:20pm

Day 16
How many people are you “out” to with your mental illness(es)? Why?

Love this question!

I'm not ashamed about my mental health issues.  I have my moments when I wish I could just be "normal"

I do so much work around mental health I really believe been open with what I can will ensure that other people can hopefully feel the same.

I think it is important to be open, mental health is nothing to be ashamed of and I wish others could see that.  Everyone has a different journey and mine has empowered me to get through the bad days and try my hardest to focus on the good. 

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 15

Thursday 11th September 2014
08:32pm

Day 15 
How has your life been effected by your illness(es)? (Some ideas are: relationships, career, school)

Well I think at school, it wasn't really understood.  I was in hospital for a lot of year 11 (my GCSE year) and then for my college years.  I did manage to sit my GCSEs while I was in hospital and thankfully passed them all.  I did a few A/S levels in college but did re-do both year 12 and 13 once I felt fully able to.

I've had a few jobs while I've been at my worst and also I suppose "stable".  I had a job I loved which sadly the post was made redundant and with that and other situations going on with work I became rather ill after that, with that it has knocked my confidence with work, which is why I'm trying hard to concentrate on my uni course and trying dam hard to follow advice off my mental health team.

I was in a steady relationship when I was officially diagnosed as having BPD, sadly the pressure of my illness and my boyfriend at the time at university things got to much for both of us.  It was a mutual break-up but I won't lie hit me hard.  Looking back though it was the right thing to do.  While I was seeing him though he did make an effort to come to any appointments and try and understand what was going on.  I've had a couple of short relationships since but come to a point where as much as I'd love to be in a relationship I'm happy where I am, I'm not bothered that I'm single, but what does get me at times is seeing my friends who are either married, engaged or just in a relationship getting on and even having children.  

Friendships are hard with BPD but those who are my friends know about it.  I remember in school having loads of friends seemed to be important but really it's not.  I find it so hard to trust people and let people in but socially I know I struggle.  I won't lie I do like my own company, but I know at times I need to force myself to be with people, which sounds strange.  Some days I rely a lot more on people but those are the days you find out who are your true friends.

On the plus side though my career or how I see my career going is due to the events which have happened to me.  I want to be able to make a difference I don't want my struggle to be meaningless.  I've sat in groups since been in adult services hearing others who are much older than me moan about how the system hasn't changed since they were in their 20's etc and they feel for the "younger ones" - I would love to be able to say there is a change and the only way to do this is my opening up and campaigning.  JBL is a great way to help do this and I'm so thankful to all those who help support it.

Half way through the challenge ... hope I'm not boring you to much!!

Rach x

30 Day Challenge - Day 14

Wednesday 10th September 2014
04:15pm

Day 14
Have you ever experienced stigma?

Yes is the simple answer.  Not just from people who I know through school or work but also members of the public, when I was really low in weight I'd get verbal abuse thrown at me.

I've found it harder with adults in the employment side of things as I have this expectation that adults should be a lot more understanding and think about what they say.  My belief through school was just that kids can be cruel.  If you're not educated about a subject then it's harder to understand.

I've struggled trying to get people to understand my reaction to things or how I behave.  I think at times I can try to hard which makes me more awkward with other people.

I worry if I open up people will become afraid of me, the thoughts which I have in my head at times scares me how do you then explain that to other people without the words which are so often associated with mental health I can see flash around my head and glisten in people's eyes

I don't think we will ever get rid of stigma completely we don't live in a perfect world, but what we can do is use personal experiences to give other people the chance to learn and not stigmatise other people from seeing a true reaction of how stigma which has been faced by a person they can associate with has coped.

Rach x 

30 Day Challenge - Day 13

Tuesday 9th September 2014

06:27pm

Day 13:

If you know the criteria of your illness(es) which ones do you think you meet? Or what are your most common symptoms?

NHS Choices states you have to answer yes to five or more of the following for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder.  Please remember though if you do answer yes to five or more don't panic, it may just fit your life style if you really are worried though please go and speak to your GP for reassurance or support.

• Do you have an intense fear of being left alone which causes you to act in ways that, on reflection, seem out of the ordinary or extreme, such as constantly phoning somebody (but not including self-harming or suicidal behavior)

• Do you have a pattern of intense and unstable relationships with other people that switch between thinking you love that person and they are wonderful to hating that person and thinking they are terrible?

• Do you ever feel you do not have a strong sense of your own self and are unclear about your self-image?

• Do you engage in impulsive activities in two areas that are potentially damaging, such as unsafe sex, drug abuse or reckless spending (but not including self-harming or suicidal behavior)?

• Have you made repeated suicide threats or attempts in your past and engaged in self-harming?

• Do you have severe mood swings, such as feeling intensely depressed, anxious or irritable, which last from a few hours to a few days?

• Do you have long-term feelings of emptiness and loneliness?

• Do you have sudden and intense feelings of anger and aggression, and often find it difficult to control your anger?

• When you find yourself in stressful situations, do you have feelings of paranoia, or do you feel like you are disconnected from the world or from your own body, thoughts and behavior?

 I don't want to go into me personally to much on this, but you can see from reading this how intense BPD can be on a person.  A lot of these also fit in with my eating disorder, but it makes the behaviors which don't link up make sense in my head so much.  Each person with BPD will be affected differently and it's important to remember that.

Anorexia criteria is always been looked at.  Many have the perception that you have to always be skeletal and never eat at all.  This isn't the case.  Weight loss will be noticeable in time but even now with my BMI considered okay.  I still obsess about food, and still have problems struggling with my weight and how I cope with situations can sometimes come over through my behavior with food.  

I hope this makes a bit of sense, I've had a long day with filming!

Rach x