looks can be deceiving ...

Monday 3rd December 2012
8:09pm

It's been a while since I last blogged and thought it was about time that I got down to business!

Lots has been happening over the past couple of months.  the Journey Back to Life has had loads of exciting meetings to really get us moving properly.  At one point I feared that this project would go no were after been told this and knocked down so turning it round and proving people wrong has been fantastic.  It's hard but tell you what I'm glad I've made the step of doing this and I wouldn't change this, I just wish my close friend Dave Connor had been able to join forces with me and we could have challenged so many people together.  However I have his spirit moving me a long and watching over sam and myself.

There have been a number of talks done now both in and out of area and it's amazing that there is a look that so many people think you have to have in order to have a mental health issue.  I've been told over again that I can't have mental health because I'm pretty, confident, blonde and blue eyed! Seriously pretty, if I thought that then maybe I wouldn't have let bullies turn my life upside down and make me feel like crap to the point of attempted suicide, starvation and self harm, all for this attempt of being perfect.  All I ever wanted to do was fit in as a child and I took this to such an extreme, so much so I didn't fit in.

When I speak to people now who were in my year at school and who now themselves have mental health issues or were struggling at school with them didn't tell anyone because of the grief I got because I was "mental" it's alarming, and now it seems more a less talked about and okay to talk about in school.  Many young people don't get the option to openly talk about MH until I go in and when they come up and say something you can see the expression of relief on their face that they've told someone.  Having someone of a similar age is great for them, some organisations may like to think sending in a "adult" who has read a book or may have experienced something is a great idea but how can someone really relate to that age group if their issues started later on?

Journey Back to Life has already thought ahead I know when I'm older school children aren't going to want to listen to me they want another 20 year old to come and talk to them about how things have affected them. So many people want to grow up but I'm trying to catch up with every other 21 year old out there!  There are some things I'm glad I didn't do (been out on the streets at -4 is one of them, still don't see the appeal!)

A number of people have dragged me down and nearly led me back to the path of self destruction once again but I've pulled my way back up, I refuse to allow bullies to rule my life again and knock me down.  My Social Enterprise will be a success and will fight for it to be one.

I just want people to realise that there isn't a certain look for mental health.  The shock on people's faces when they realise I'm a self harmer is actually to the point laughable.  I have plans for sessions around perceptions and looks and to be honest I think it's going to be a great activity.  If I could go back to the 12 year old me and tell me what was going to become of my life I would laugh.  However, crazy as it sounds mental health might have been the worst but best thing that could have happened to me.

It's so important to not judge people so quickly.

xxxxxx