Tick Tock

Sunday 28th October 2012
10:16am

So it's the time of year where the clocks go back and I actually fear.  I was diagnosed with SAD in 2010 and I know this is the time of year which I have to be extra careful and watch myself a lot more than usual.

To me autumn winter = big heavy winter warmer meals, and I due put this fear down to the menu change when I was an inpatient.  I like being able to eat salads and butties in the winter but as an anorexic this is deemed unexceptionable and it should be high volumes of buttery mash potato with pies.  Yet if I was to eat this winter warmer in the summer nothing would be said about it!

I find it hard to sleep at the best of times so the hour back and this extra hour really does nothing for me!  All I can think it it's really 11:20 now and I could be doing this this and this.  It's trying to get things fixed into my routine as it always seems out of sink when the clocks are messed about.  However, I love losing an hour in the summer (always said I was strange!!)

I'm continuing to set up the Journey Back to Life (journeybacktolife.org.uk) and things are looking up with it.  I have some great advice from people who have been in charge of business or have high links within services and so I'm determined to make this work.

The past few months haven't really been the best for me, but some positive things have crept out of the darkness but yet I still struggle to find warmth in them.

While so many people are excited for the winter I can't wait for spring to come already!  My knees have started to ache (grrr) I was talking to a friend who I was an inpatient with and looking back it's all well and good saying that I wished I'd have listened but at the time I was far to ill to listen to anyone, this is just something that I have to be able to learn from and help others to realise the consequences of anorexia.

I can't wait to have a fully fledged working business/charity/ social enterprise what ever we finally decide to be but the point is what I've learnt from my journey is massive.  I was given no hope at all to even been classed as in recovery I was always told I would just learn to live in my own little inpatient world with no hope of a decent life.  Well i've proven all those people wrong, yes I still have bad times but I admit to them and for once I learn from them and allow myself to work out where things started to slip so I can hopefully not have to go through anything like that again.

My biggest step has recently been took by leaving something behind which was causing lots of problems and turning me back into the person I didn't recognise.

Moving forward in a positive way is scary but it's so worth it!

Rach xxxxxxxxxxx