Relapse is part of Recovery

Saturday 8th September 2012
12:19pm

The famous saying of "relapse is part of recovery" is making me realise that actually it is true.

I'm probably at my worst mood wise I have been for a while but it's took me until last week to openly admit that things weren't good.  A doctors appointment for swollen glands led to a break down and an admittance of a new episode of self harm, most probably the worse I have done in a number of years, thankfully it's going down but for once I'm looking after it in an attempt for it not to scar.

I knew my recovery wouldn't be easy but I didn't think it would get me to this point now.  In 2009 these feelings led to 2 suicide attempts, this time I've actually spoken to people and feel much better for doing so, although guilty as I hate people worrying about it, which makes no sense really.

I know there is a point where I will turn myself back around and appreciate what I have going on.  I've heard all sorts of lovely news one which I can't say but that news made me cry with happy tears because it felt like a long fight had been won.

On Tuesday it was my Great Gran's 102nd birthday so I wonder did that date possibly set things off I know it's a trigger for me but I felt a bit more in control than what I did in a while.

Been whittled down to this person now makes me want to come out stronger.  I have journey back to life to think about, my friends and family - I look forward to finding my way back up, I'm just releaved that I spotted it rather than letting it carry on to something which could have been much uglier.

Rach xxx