end of august!

Tuesday 30th August 2011
9:38pm

I can't believe already it's the end of August! One day left, and September begins. With a million opportunities and probably a billion challenges! Am I ready to chase them? Too bloody right I am.

I'm finally living life independently, finding myself and trusting my own thoughts and judgements on life. I no longer allow myself to give into the thoughts and mind sets which my anorexia or others lead me in to.

August has been fab! I've finally entered my 20's and can't wait to see what it brings, hopefully not the shit which entering my teens brought me!! I went proper camping for the first time ever! It was so good. I really enjoyed it, probably too much! It was cold and wet, but I had the company of three lovely people :) The nights were ace, curled up on a camp chair watching films, drinking alcohol and talking utter crap! I have to admit I loved going to bed each night and just snuggling right into Tom. It felt so normal, and I felt so safe, which probably explained why last night my sleep was so weird as I had got used to Tom being there, but since we've been going out it's always been the same! Me and Jayne went and had our feet eaten by fish which was the strangest thing ever, it was the highlight of my weekend watching Jayne freak out over it all, if it hadn't been for Jayne amusing me I think I would have been exactly the same and my fish were about three times the size!! - then we got back and found a massive spider about four times the size of my fish in the bottom of a shopping bag, I may be vegetarian but I would have happily squished the bugga to make sure it didn't re-enter the tent and eat me in the night!

It's been hard having my Grandad in hospital the last couple of weeks, but he seems to be doing better, and me and tom are going up tomorrow to see him again - there is a possibility that he may be home on Friday, but I'm obviously worried about the impact this will have on my Nan. She is losing her sight and I really don't think the pressure will help but I'm guessing that the hospital will sort out the care which may need to follow my Grandad in order to help for the short term. I suppose it has brought a lot of the thoughts about my Great Gran back and knowing that if the worst did happen how would I cope. But fingers crossed he will be back to his usual self ASAP!! minus all the whisky!!

I would love to be able to jump to September 5th ... why? It's my Great Gran's 101st birthday on the 4th and I still miss her, probably a lot more than I should. A lot of people have told me I'm completely silly for still struggling to come to the terms with the fact that she isn't coming back, but it's days like these special ones which I find so hard. I've kept my self free that day, I don't want to be promising myself to anyone. We have a couple of events for work over that weekend but I'd rather just be able to come and go. People cope it different ways, and this is the one which I've learnt to do without resulting in injuring myself negatively.

I suppose this is how life goes! I'm so happy at the moment and just wish those people who are trying to hold me back and keep me rained in finally see this. The more people struggle to keep me back will only lose me quicker. I'm finally loving my life and love the people who are in it, and I thank all those people who are supporting me everyday. I love you all trillions!

Rach
xxx