Turning 20 ...

Sunday 14th August 2011
9:43am

Finally 20!!

My birthday was great, well apart from not being able to eat at Nandos because of the riots!!

Was able to have a nice lie in and be greeted with texts and Facebook messages :) always makes me laugh when I have about 20 notifications in one log in but love it at the same time, so thanks to everyone who wished me happy birthday.

Work was great, took in cakes, our unwritten rule when it's your birthday, and they seemed to go down well, was rather gutted when I went back in to see if my favourites were left (lemon flavoured ones) and they had all gone! Thankfully I'd already allowed myself to have one, but that second one was calling me later on in the day!! I got more cards at work and some presents too :) Was great to be met in town for a quick lunch by Lou and Jayne.

Later on I went back into town with the hope to go in Nandos, however, due to the scum bags who had been looting shops around the country they had closed early along with many of the restaurants in town. Instead we went for a meal at the looking glass with Tom and my mum and dad, to be greeted with more presents and cards. My ring off Tom is lovely and I have to admit he does have good taste and is obviously seeing what I like and don't like (actually get to know me) ... Mum and dad got me a Pandora charm, well I'm guessing mum did as I'm sure Dad wouldn't know a Pandora charm if it hit him in the face!!! Got loads of other nice things too :) I love birthday's, I always have done and hope I don't become one of these people who hates the thought of turning another year older. I suppose my birthdays have extra meanings, I proved those stupid doctors wrong who said I'd have died before my 18th and given me no hope what so ever for the future.

So I've entered into a new decade and I can't wait to see what it has to throw at me, already I've been tested. I've decided that I really need to properly fight for some therapy, I've started to realise my triggers more than ever for which spiral me into my deeper episodes of depression, so I look forward to having some professional advice on how these situations, not all which can be avoided can be dealt with.

I spent my teenage years and before that constantly been thrown criticism, whether over my height, size, shape, appearance, how I spend my time, my interest, how different I am to do others (negatively) ... and god knows what else and I've had enough it turned me into the sensitive person who become severely ill with anorexia and depression. That anorexia and depression has made me see that I need to start sticking up for me, stop hiding away and caring what people think about me. It's not going to be easy but it's got to be done - sick of been treated like a bag of shit and feeling like my opinion counts for nothing. It's the whole argument over the nature / nurture debate which will be looked at again once I get that extra support, but I tell you I'm more than willing to open up now, I'm ready to share what is going on in my head and finally let my demons go! Some of my triggers I know will be hard to forget, each year on certain dates the need to want to hide myself away will be there.

So here's to a decade which is going to properly shape me, make me the strong willed person that I want to be ....

Rach
xxxxxx