Strange moment!

The day this morning had been decided, me and mum had to get ready for our stall tomorrow at St George's Hall in Liverpool - she is advertising the advocay service she now works for and little old me was manning the talking eating disorders stand (for our support group, which mum is the co worker for)

We had to go the the Casbar Coffee Club first, which is where the Beatles started out and where we are lucky enough to have our group, full of memories of the beatles, as leigh who runs it is married to one of pete best (the original drummer) brothers! So mum and me walk into the house which is on top of the basement which we have the group after been barked at by the dogs who are actually really cute, despite their size, and sat there drinking coffee is Pete Best, my mouth dropped, i couldn't bring my self to say hello despite the cool hello he greated us with, i just stood there looking like a prize idiot! I have met him before as they run events there but never got so close for him to say hello, i think my heart stopped beating for a second! He could be my grandad and yet i was so in ore of him it was true! He is an original beatle and that won't change, it's thanks to him them formed and to meet the person involved with such an historic group was amazing (although this was not my stange moment!) We went to pick up leaflets about b-eat and other company leaflets plus a massive folder which decided to fall on my foot later on it the day, explaining eating disorders and everything which is associated with the evil and vile illness!

My strange moment - me and mum had to go to Hollins Park to pick up some display board for tomorrow, we pull up and this wave of fear fell over me, i felt as though i was drowning in it, the dark mood came back and I had the weight in my stomach - despite knowing that i was no longer there as an inpatient looking through the down stairs window leading to the reception, was an elderly lady, well i say elderly she might not have been - she sat there staring, looking at nothing just the outside world, probably just wishing that she could get out. I'm guessing that the medication she is on completly zomified her and i realised (my strange moment) that I was once that lady, staring out of the window desperate to know what i was missing, wondering if the world had changed as although i had only been there for a matter of weeks when i felt so washed out it felt as though it was years and my body had aged so much - my friends where growing up and i was there looking through a window counting down the hours in which i would be allowed out for my few hours - that lady was me, sitting there with tears rolling down her face seeing someone being able to walk in that hospital and be freely able to walk out, her hopes where the same as mine, to be free, be in the mist of her family and friends

I realised how different my life could be now if i hadn't have got ill - but i did and in a weird way i'm glad, i'm glad i've been through what i have as i'm willing to stand up and fight, fight for people like the lady at the window and improve services and stamp out the stigma in which will most probably surround her when she leaves, hopefully thanks to stamp out stigma campaign www.stampoutstigma.co.uk will help improve this and be able to see that those who are mentally ill may have triggers and sometimes these horrid words are one of those triggers!

...

On Friday, those of you from around warrington, would have heard about the poor man who decided that he wanted to jump of the runcorn bridge - this man was obviously at the end of everything and thought he could no longer cope with life, if there was interventions earlier this may have been prevented and the people from around warrington would not have been complaining about having to be stuck in traffic, me included, however i didn't complain as i wanted the man to jump and be done with it but because the entire situation could have been prevented. So i sat on the bus listening to two ladies talking about this poor man, i think they managed to say every word on the leaflet which the 5BP have given out, how i didn't turn round and wollop them i have no idea but i suppose it wouldn't be the best way to deal with it, i then routed in my bag for a leaflet, why i have no idea i would have been like one of those annoying sales people on the street promoting something for the person to accept it and later bin it, i didn't have a leaflet but it got me thinking we should have the posters in the bus, i was an unlucky person having to listen to that and managed to cope with it, knowning that a year a go that man could have been me, i didn't want go that why, but the fact he got to the point in which life was so unbearable was just horrific, i just think if someone had heard that converstaion who had no one to talk to or rant off to after how would they have coped knowing that all the words in which these ladies chose to descripe someone with a mental illness applied to them too those cruel words could trigger someone off back into the darkness to make them think they to did not deserve to be here and should be an out cast from their family.

TIME HAS MOVED ON!!!!!! we want to make the difference so that people can see everyone as equal as everyone is!! that lady at the window may have been in the system for a long time the looking out of the window could be her life but this needs to change, inpatient treatment is not also suitable for everyone, sectioned or not - i don't want to be the lady in the window i want to stay being the person on the otherside getting on in life!

xxxx