'Tis the Season to be Jolly?

Saturday 6th December 2014
09:01am

So this is usually time when I start to dread the festive season.   Don't get me wrong I'm still not exactly looking forward to it but I'm slightly more optimistic.  The talks of diets and fitting into that new little black dress are starting to circulate so in my head I'm trying to think about everything but.

So why the optimism this year? I've been accepted onto a degree course at Chester University.  Which means I'm finishing my counselling course at level 4.  I know I want to work with children and young people, and for what I want to do and how I want to work moving to another course will help.

After the way the end of the last academic year ended I suppose I lost faith in the profession as well, realistically support needs to be in place sooner and be the stepping stone with early intervention.  I've been lost in the system and wished things could have gone so differently, but then I think if my treatment had been better would I be so passionate about changing the way services work and helping young people so they don't have to experience the lack of support I did.

I start my course around the worst time of year for me, end of January - the count down to February.  February is a month I would rather miss, yet for next year, it's the start of something new and exciting, not something to dread.

Struggling with mental health especially at this time of year for me is I think when it gets to me the most, the time I truly see how vulnerable I really am. I seem to forget everything I have learnt to cope and revert back old ways, so keep busy and in my routine as best as possible really helps.  I have fantastic support around me at the moment and I think finally I'm starting to see how much people do really care and the fact people want me around because I'm useful and not just out of pity.

I've not looked forward to something so huge which is happening to me for as long as I can remember.  I've started to sleep better knowing I'm moving course and my confidence in my ability to make a difference is back.  I won't understand ever why I allow people to have the power to make me feel so small and unworthy, that my experience counts for nothing, but yet I seem to do it.

So here is to the end of 2014 and the beginning of 2015, not just a new year but a new start.

xxx