What do you think when ...

Thursday 21st June 2012
7:39pm

I say self harm? Does it send a shiver down your spine and the word attention seeker pops into your head or are you a little more sympathetic?

Self harm has been a part of my life for more than I can remember but throughout the time the stigma has never seemed to change! Thankfully No Secrets is around now something which wasn't when mine began.

At the moment I'm currently struggling with my self harming due to emotions which seem to be way out of control but believe it or not self harm at the times doesn't hurt. I go into this zone but for those moments after my thoughts are on the physical pain and sorting out the cuts.

I suppose my self harm also comes through my eating. Restricting my diet again brings back a pain which I sense differently my anorexia will probably be always there some may recover fully but I personally believe I never will I will learn to manage.

If you get offered the No Secrets training then do it, it will open your eyes into our world.

Some people have a glass of wine to get over a shit day others may smoke more than usual I cut and restrict my diet. However my methods are socially still unacceptable while smoking and drinking is fine.

I've lost people because they can't bare the thought of me hurting myself and wish I would talk but in a strange way my self harm is me talking.

My starvation is often seen more socially acceptable and I do believe that's the media or journalists who think being skinny is the best thing ever. When in fact it's being happy.

Some of the most lovely people I have met in hospital but yet I much prefer them now ... I like my happy healthier friends, I like hearing that they're living life finally despite not seeing them everyday or seeing them once a hospital admission has ended but what's important is that we still contact each other on those bad days to check its okay and not a sign of worse things to come.

All I have to say is ask if you don't understand, I have mental health issues I'm not a monster.

I thank everyone who has supported me throughout my journey :)) you know I love you all xxxxxxxxxxxx