On way down to London ...

Tuesday 22nd May 2012
6.28pm

So here it is the day I go Lorraine probably one of the most watched morning programs!

It's weird really I never felt this sick when I was going down to do this morning I'm guessing it was because I was going on my own and it was a whole new exciting journey!

My life now seems to dominate around the world of anorexia and body image thankfully for positive reasons now to help combat the stigma and view around those who suffer. I actually see my future working with those people who have the illness and hopefully providing hope to those who may believe there is a never a chance out of it.

My counselling course started and I'm loving it probably too much, but I don't want to be like the ones I've had in the past, the one I am currently seeing is brilliant but I'm wondering if it's because I actually want to be there?

So the past month has been pretty shocking really! I found out my YA role at WDP is going due to funding which means the young persons work I have done around disability will stop. I have agreed to finish out the talks which are already pending so not to let the schools down or as many as possibly can with the support from wdp which I know I will have.

This has led to the decisions of making a way for my own future so I'm currently looking at setting up my own venture www.journeybacktolife.co.uk I suppose it's going to be trail and error it may or may not work out but if I don't try then I'll never know and I can't keep up with this defeatist attitude (of which I was reminded today by someone extremely special to me and who I'm lucky to have in my life)

My year of no self harming came to an end with the news of my job and also because of other personal reasons but I've decided to see this as a positive and to work with it! It's no longer a dirty secret anymore I can speak to people whether they understand it or not and I have no secrets to thank for that www.nosecrets.moonfruit.com

So here I am sitting or more like squashed on a train something which I've managed to avoid since passing my driving test! Feeling sick and remembering why I'd rather not use it! I blame my OCD, at least I'm sat next to my mum and not some randomer who stinks to high heaven of piss!

On a lighter note I was told I have a nervous tic today, which has apparently resulted from my anorexia, so you can imagine the banter I've had from my dad! Also my "baby" brother celebrated his 19th birthday - he seems to have come out more normal than me!

Well I shall leave it here and hopefully you will watch Lorraine tomorrow!

Rach xxx