New Year!

Monday 16th January 2012
6:58pm

Only realised before how long it had been since I last blogged!

So here we go!

December was full of tests and trials with it being the festive season. Christmas is one of those times when all I do is seem to panic and feel ill. It's the month when people seem to indulge and the one which I seem to restrict and then in January I have to try and brig myself back up again.

However, this year I made an effort, I actually managed to try and keep my eating as normal as possible! I actually was able to eat on Christmas Day! Okay it wasn't a proper 3 course meal but the point is I sat at the table and had a bowl of soup (with bread) - my leg had a mind of it's own under the table and wouldn't stop shaking but I could tell how proud my family where of the fact that I'd managed to have something on Christmas Day. The day when I completely fast had turned around and I was sort of enjoying the day!

December also brought round my driving test, my FINAL driving test as I passed! (thank god) I also started my pass plus and completed it at the beginning of this month. So I am finally legal to drive my beautiful Dora round on my own without the need of an escort! Being on a provisional license felt like I was back on a 1:1 in hospital! lol, every moved been looked at or assessed!

My driving test made Christmas much more bearable to knowledge of being able to just get in my car and go if things got too much and she has become my little safe heaven, and it's mine :)

2012 was welcomed in with dodgy dancing in Ambleside with Tom, Jayne, Beany, Vicky, Ste, Doreen and Derek. It was a lovely weekend break and the walks around were definitely needed to get rid of those cob webs!

My anorexia did spend some moments with me, as usual on New Year in 2005 was when she really did start to appear and by 2007 she had taken over my entire mind. Honestly, I would lose all this weight so quickly but what I have now is not worth losing. For once I'm really content with how things are going. I can now see when I'm having a bad week or whatever and if I can't then someone will pull me to one side and give me a smack (not literally, but I bet at times people want to!)

I have faced the fact that recovery is still a while off, especially with how I think still about 30% of the time. Especially at this time of year, when the top New Years Resolution seems to be "lose weight" "diet" ... when yes my little anorexia side is jumping round with glee at this thought Rachael is thinking "please don't slip back"

Work has been busy as usual, especially with taking on the extra hours with the admin work. I have to admit I was worried if it would effect me, but to be honest I've loved every minute. I've actually felt normal, I've been working at WDP for nearly 2 years (longest job ever without relapsing)

So what does 2012 look like for a recovering anorexic? Other than hectic! I believe this could be the year I finally make a proper difference. I'm finally focussing on my future, I actually see a future and can't wait to live it. Being a YA has opened so many doors, and I'm actually able to help other people with similar issues to myself and try and help them see a life without an eating disorder or at least allowing the grip with their eating disorder has on them to be loosened so that they can have the control back.

I wasn't supposed to see 2012 and I'm so made up I have.

Rach
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