Tuesday 27th January 2015
03:32pm
Thought is had been a while!
First off Happy New Year!
Well I survived Christmas and actually found myself enjoying it . It was just me, my parents and young brother and it was just nice. No tip toeing around, no feeling uncomfortable it was just nice. I got to a point where I just wanted to get home and after some persuading my mum to let me go.
New Year - well that was different! I had planned a quiet one! That turned out to be a very drunken night with a friend wishing the entire world through drunk texts and lots of shouting a Happy New Year. I had told myself over Christmas I couldn't drink, mainly because my anxiety tablets had been upped and I didn't think it would the best move to introduce alcohol. I did find my self explaining why I wasn't drinking but to be honest I didn't mind. I definitely made up for it New Years Eve!
The start of the year has actually been okay as well. My therapy is going really well (I don't often say that) but I do find myself benefiting from it more and more. I still love the volunteering side at Nursery and do find myself in the morning waking up finding I have a purpose.
I officially left my counselling course and started with Chester University, who so far I can't fault on the support which they have offered. I was so nervous on Thursday, I paced up and down the corridor until I had the confidence to just open the door. I was glad I did as the group was lovely. Driving home I did with a smile on my face which I hadn't done from my previous course for a while.
I've done a couple of talks this month about my journey and done a couple of smaller meets which has been really good, mainly as it's been with such a mix age group and all from different backgrounds. So I'm hoping something has been taken from each of them.
As for me, I'm doing okay at the moment, honestly, I've been better but I've also been much much worse. I've always been honest with where I am in my own journey and I personally have never stated I'm fully recovered as honestly I think I will always struggle with my demons. That is something which I've accepted but many others are confused why I don't give myself at least a chance of full recovery. Truthfully, I think I will always be fully aware of what is going on, been aware of my triggers has been a major part of me getting to the point I am now, as it has helped me notice probably what could have ended up with me being back in hospital. That is the difference now, I would much rather stay aware then become unaware of when I'm slipping.
So here is to the next few weeks, more appointments and getting settled in properly with uni and I suppose my new routine.
Keep smiling!
Rach x
